This is going to end up being one of those, “not so pretty” posts I mentioned earlier, but unfortunately that is par-for-the-course with these illnesses.
Well, I got up today, assessed my day and determined that I had less than a half-a-cup of energy and that I was at a 7 or 8 on the pain level scale. So, I figured I could check my emails, reply to some comments on my blog, and then do whatever relaxing thing I chose, which is basically my code word for laying prone most of the day!
All was going well until I decided to take a hot bath to help with my pain levels. I’ve run out of Phenocane and am awaiting a delivery and hot baths sometimes help ease my pain levels some. About 20 minutes later, I got out and got back to my laptop when all of a sudden, there went my energy. Gone. Just like that.
I felt as if someone had hooked me up to a vacuum cleaner, hit reverse, and sucked all my energy out! One minute I had energy, albeit only about 30%, and then in the next minute, it was gone. Poof!
I was overwhelmed with exhaustive fatigue and dizziness. And wouldn’t you know it – Murphy’s law and all – my female pug, Bronte, chose that very moment to have to go potty! I’m looking at her and thinking,
You’ve got to be kidding me! You have to go pee, now?
Funny how these cute, little, creatures find the absolutely most perfect time to have to go tinkle! 
Well, going potty wasn’t going to happen in the next couple of minutes, so I told Bronte she had to wait. She knows what that means. We’ve been here often enough that she has figured out what I mean when I say, “wait.”
It took about ten minutes before my energy started to ebb back. By that time Bronte was looking at me with her legs crossed, begging me with those big, bulging eyes to take her out, NOW!
Somehow, I managed to get both of my pugs out to go potty, fed and put to bed. (Yes, they have a bed-time. It’s 6pm) But from that point on, I was just wiped out.
Now, I don’t know if other people with debilitating and chronic illnesses have this experience, but I started to cry. I wasn’t sad, mad, frustrated, depressed, or anything else. I was just so exhausted that I started crying.
For some reason my body has devised this release cap, if you will, sort of like the whistle on a steaming tea pot, and when I am at near, rock bottom, my body just responds by letting the tears flow. Not long. Just a few minutes usually.
Afterwards, I am still thoroughly exhausted, but this kind of calmness comes over my body. It is very interesting to me how my body has also had to learn how to cope with the many changes that are occurring, like today, in a matter of moments.
While today wasn’t a great day, it wasn’t a disaster either, because I have learned to be flexible and move in concert with my body. If it needs to rest, that’s what I do. I just choose to think of it as a mini-vacation!
Determined to continue forward,
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It’s amazing at how our bodies are able to adapt to their surroundings and to the situations we find ourselves in. Truly, we are fearfully and wonderfully made, but it is sometimes hard to keep that in mind.
.-= LD Jackson´s last blog ..National Security and President Huckabee =-.
Wow, Larry. I often remind myself of that very thing. This might be hard to fathom, but I actually have become more convinced that “we are fearfully and wonderfully made” just because of how my body has adapted and adjusted. Dr. Cheney now believes that we are as ill and HIV patients. He often states he doesn’t understand how we are still standing or functioning at all. I think you hit it right on the head!
Wow. I take my own health for granted, Dominique. I cannot imagine running out of “juice” all of a sudden, but it seems you expect this to happen and adapt accordingly.
Still, it presents a number of challenges for you. I appreciate your candidness and determination to press on. Tears seem to have a washing and calming affect on our bodies, a resource God has built into our bodies when we are overwhelmed.
.-= Matt Keegan´s last blog ..Back Online…I Hope =-.
Matt…I had never thought about the tears to be a resource that God has built into our bodies when we are overwhelmed. Wow. That will give me a new perspective the next time I find myself in that situation. I like that. It just confirms for me that nothing is ever a ‘mistake’ or happen-stance. Nothing.
It’s scary how much perspective you can get hit in the face with when you read someone else’s blog. I guess I take a lot of things for granted.
However, from reading your blog, I’ve also discovered that I want a pug, so it balances out overall.
.-= Stanley Goodspeed´s last blog ..The fantastic Mr Foxtrot =-.
ROTFLOL! Well, I am glad that you come to adore pugs as I do! Yes perspective does have a way on enlightening us, doesn’t. I’ve come to find that how we choose to overcome really comes down to perspective we choose to hold. BTW, love your perspective. Your blog had me chuckling!
It’s amazing how the smallest efforts like talking on the phone, being on the internet, and taking a bath require so much energy! I have lived with fatigue since 1993, cause unknown for the first 6 years. Now I know when I rise in the morning that I have to set priorities for the day or accomplish nothing. When I have gotten those things done, if there is energy left, I can do one more thing. That is on a good day.
Google “The Spoon Theory – 12 spoons” or go here http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf and it will give you an idea what life is really like for those with chronic fatigue syndrome or other health issues that drain your energy.
May God bless and heal you, Dominique. My best to you.
Christine – THAT was hands down the BEST explanation of the energy problem with chronic illnesses I have ever heard Hands down! Wow! Thank you for sharing that link with me! I am going to add a link to your theory on my blog.
I have a friend that has lupus and I have watched her go from semi-okay to almost nothing, so I understand your journey from her “perspective.”
I pray the same for you. BTW, thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I hope you still have enough spoons for the day!