Refusing to lose at WINNING!

I spent yesterday working on and following the Senate race in Massachusetts.  I was stationed at Hanscom Air Force Base (HAFB)  in the late 1980′s.  My daughter, grand-daughter and son-in-law-to-be currently live there, as well as my brother and his family, and my middle sister and her family.  So…you could say I have much invested in Massachusetts.  

Anyway, I have been involved in what was transpiring in this particular Senate race through Tea Party Patriots of which I am an active member.

After Scott Brown won the election by a considerable margin, I sat back and thought about how it must feel to win big like that, which then led me to think about how many wins have I experienced in my life since developing CFIDS/FMS.  My first gut reaction was none, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that wasn’t true.

Sue, a new reader to my blog, commented recently how completing my Bachelor Degree is a big deal and she is right.  For me…that was a big win!  The last year-and-a-half of school, I did not think I would make it.  To this day I know I only did by the grace of God.  That was the hardest thing I think I have ever completed.  But it is also one of the achievements I am most proud of.

Another achievement for me would be living with CFIDS/FMS for over 20 years…that is also a big win.  I can remember at the beginning wondering how I would be able to continue on for several years, never mind twenty years! I don’t know if I would say the living part has gotten easier.  I think my perspective has changed as well as my focus.  I try to find things to focus on that encourage me, motivate me, and inspire me to do what I can and let the rest go.

I should share with you that I have a wall in my apartment that is covered with all the awards I have won/earned during my time in the Military and since I became a civilian.  Interestingly, I have received/earned more awards since I left the military and developed CFIDS/FMS.  For me that is also a big win.

Despite the fact that I have this invisible, limiting illness, my ability to achieve has not been eradicated.  I may have had to learn to do things differently.  I may have had to learn to allow myself a much longer period to accomplish my goals.  I may have had to change my perspective of ‘winning’, but be that as it may, it doesn’t change the fact that I am choosing to continue ‘winning’, no matter what that looks like.

Some days, winning is as simple as getting out of bed!  Seriously! Other days, winning is working towards publishing my first book.  Regardless, winning is something I refuse to allow this illness to take from me.  I guess you could say that I refuse to lose at winning.  I don’t care what this illness throws at me, I will overcome by the grace of God and I will accomplish the things that I am still able to accomplish at this moment in time.

For me, it isn’t about winning necessarily.  It is about creating bench-marks of all the things that I am able to accomplish today, so when a bad day comes, I can look back and see that better days are coming.  That’s what my wall is all about.  Helping me to remember that although I may not be able to accomplish much right now, that is not a permanent situation.  Better days are coming and new wins are on their way!

Determined to continue forward,