My view tonight is blanketed in a a solid, black background, while the water looks like polished glass. The city lights are bright and clear, with their reflections languidly bouncing across the surface of the water, projecting dancing hues of color all about. There is a deep stillness that is penetrating the night air – a reminder that most Tulsans are bedded down for the night. The frigid breeze reminds me that winter has yet to depart.
While I sit, alone, in the quietness of the night, enjoying my view, the beginning of my day was not quite so peaceful and comforting. I awoke to a bad case of dizziness, balance problems, nausea, dropping things, an inability to grasp things and on and on. I almost decided to cancel my plans for the day, but I knew I needed to see my Chiropractor if I had any hope of getting relief from the back pain and neck pain.
So, I chose to push forward…
I made sure my friend, who graciously drove me around today, knew that I was having problems with balance and dizziness – just in case. I felt so out of sorts today – I’m not even sure how to put it into words. It was as if only the shell of my body was moving around while my insides had somehow slipped down to the ground. There was this constant sense of downward gravity that I was battling against. Everything in my body just wanted to collapse.
Thankfully I have a wonderful Chiropractor who has been treating me for over 10 years (I think) and he spent a lot of time putting my body back into alignment. He did mention to me that I had waited a little too long to return for a follow up appointment. Yeah. I would agree. I think it has been over four months. Definitely too long . I need to make sure I don’t wait that long next time.
I had hoped I would feel better immediately and in some ways I did. But the dizziness and balance problems just wouldn’t go away and I still had grocery shopping to do! Luckily, by the time I got to Whole Foods, it was as if someone had pumped a whole bunch of oxygen into my body. I just suddenly felt brighter and lighter. In addition, the nausea and dizziness just disappeared. I am guessing that I was so out of place that I was not getting energy and oxygen to my brain and what not, so once my body was re-aligned it eventually got back to ‘normal’ - whatever that looks like for a day in the life of one living with CFIDS/FMS! 
Since I was feeling better, my friend and I decided to visit a new mall close to our homes. I don’t think she shopped for more than 30 minutes or so, but all of a sudden my energy just started to bottom out again. My mental state started to feel dragged down and I wasn’t sure how much longer I continue on, so I found a bench and sat down. When she was done we went to the store next door but by this time, I just wasn’t into it anymore. I was just getting more and more tired. So we headed home.
By the time I got to my ‘new’ olive colored chair, I was wiped out. My throat was sore and scratchy and I sounded like a frog with a bad case of bronchitis! I took the next several hours and rested which actually helped. It is amazing to me how far I have come in learning how to live with this illness, and yet, to my dismay I continue to find that it still dictates much of what I will or will not be able to do at any given moment. Even when I think I am doing better, the fatigue slinks back in and disrupts my plans.
Despite that, however, sometimes I need to get out of the house, if just for a little while. I can only take my 4Walls and A View for so long before I need to get outside and see a different view. And today was no different. Even if my body struggled to accomplish what I needed to get done, and it takes me a day or two to catch back up, it did a world of good for my spirit and mind. So, in the end, I am thankful I went.
Determined to continue forward,
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Oh how I understand the downward gravity feeling! And, I’ve made that mistake many times;feeling a bit better so you push on. I hope you recover quickly and the treatment does its job. Take it easy.
.-= Jo´s last blog ..Picking up where I left off =-.
Jo – I wish I could learn to stop pushing past but I so like to get out. Well, this is a journey right!
Sometimes, a person just has to get out from between the walls and go do “something”, no matter the cost. For the sake of your spirit, you have to get some “fresh air”. You’ll be glad you did.
.-= LD Jackson´s last blog ..Sarah Palin and President Obama =-.
Larry –
I have been having that gravity feeling for a couple of weeks continually now, so I am identifying with what you are saying here…and the pushing too
Feels good to get out a bit though doesn’t it!
Hang in there and rest rest rest.
.-= Renee´s last blog ..Winter Wonderland =-.
Renee – I’m so sorry you are struggling with the gravity feeling.
Yes, it did feel good to get out!
Ma’am Yes ma’am! LOL
Dominique.
I Love my new job, but to my dismay I awoke very fatigued on Wednesday the 10th Feb. I drove to work, a very difficult task, as I was driving and found it more and more difficult, I breathed with the fatigued and thanked it for coming to my attention and felt myself feeling Love for it ( I know sounds airy…fairy) but by the time I arrived at work, the fatigued had abated. I feel I was out of balance with the connection of my body…mind and spirit..sometimes even whats happening globally can affect my energy level. It’s interesting to note that you too were having similar energy issues around the same time frame. I have done a lot of work working with my energy level, something that the fatigue brought me to seek. My trust in God helps me. As I write this the brain fog creeps in,so may be some spelling errors.I hope your energy level improves.
Thinking of you.
In Love.
Rose
Rose – Thank you for leaving a note and sharing your thoughts. I am glad you made it to work safely. I don’t drive anymore when I am having bad days. I have had to many close calls. Yes, faith in God definitely is the foundation for me as well. I would not be here if it were not for my belief that I am here for a reason.
No worries about typos here. Thank you and I hope you are feeling better soon later.
Hi Dominique,
I also struggle not to push because my spirit wants to get out
of the house. When I was younger I did better with the
pushing (it’s worth it) and less recovery time. Well, I had a hang
on cold this winter and it has left me really knowing beyond
temptation that I just can’t push. I think perhaps the immune
system struggle against the cold virus is the reason and I
am patiently waiting so I can go out. It has been 8 weeks. I first had CFS at 39
and now am 62. When I read the more current info on the CDC
site and its says it is vital for early intervention — my
response is Ya Right! Back then anyone who goes back to 1987
or so knows what happened – we were told a variety of things
such as take a vacation, get some exercise…you are depressed.
Well I’m not glad that people are still contracting CFS but am pleased
that a lot of the information is better. Wondering if
you hear from us “older folks” eeks! that’s me – were did the
time go – about their intuition that aging with CFS is not
so very good. Anyway, I hope you are able soon to get out
without having to pay a big price. I guess I never introduced
myself – I’m from the Portland, Metro area in beautiful green,
and rainy Oregon. I live with my dog Sammy, part daushound, in a house -
which is a blessing because I have much more control over unwanted
noise. It is so easy to want to have the tv on or radio or music
for company and to avoid boredom, but today I’ve been experimenting
with leaving everything off and just listening to my dog’s little
sleeping sounds, the clock ticking, the refrig cycling on, birds
chirping outside – no lack of noise – but these are softer, kinder sounds. Let me know if I’m not suppose to go on so much as sometimes
I do – afterall, this is your blog and I’m suppose to be responding
to your thoughts – isn’t that how blogs work? Very new to this
you might have to tell me if I’m overstepping. I notice most people
respond briefly. I’ll try to do better.
Patricia – You’re response to the CDC was what I thought. I wish they had known that in my early stages of the illness, too! I do know several people with CFIDS who are on in there years and they have said it is much harder the older you get. I had a doctor tell me once that having CFIDS was like adding 20-25 years to your life so I would think once you get into your 60′s it would feel like you in you mid 80′s. I would think that it is that much tougher because of that.
Patricia – please know you are welcome to ‘vent’ however you choose. Yes, it is my blog but I write this to help others. If it helps you to come here and ‘talk’, I’m okay with that!
Sammy seems like a love!
You know the noise thing is interesting because I recently decided, for now, not to get cable and so it is very quiet at night once people are at home and in bed. The only time it is quiet actually when you live in an apartment. But I love the nights for that very reason. The quietness of it all.
I’m really glad that you feel comfortable coming here and ‘chatting’ with me Patricia. I know the ability to reach across the miles and touch someone is priceless for many of us.
That’s Portland, Washington right? I have a Russian friend who moved to Washington a few years ago and she loves it. I have several other friends who also love it there.
Well, you know where I am if you want to chat! My blog ‘doors’ are always open for you!
You are so kind. Yes I was venting. It is Portland, Oregon where I live not Washington. However,
NW Oregon and NW Washington are very similar. It rains and rains
and rains. But we have moderate spring and fall and not too severe
weather in winter or summer. When it is very cold or very hot
it is only for short periods of time. I have a close friend with CFS
who I met when she was 53 and now 71. I have seen how difficult
it is for her. She did fairly well into her mid 60′s. My
parents did better in their 70′s than I did in my thirties. It is the
no energy thing that makes me feel like I’m 102. With CFS you can be 30 and feel 80. It is a bit
scary if I feel so old at 62 what will it be like should I stick
around another decade. When this thought pops up — That is where it is my salvation
literally to be a Christian. When I start looking beyond the next
day, I remember from the Bible – Patricia’s paraphrase:
Each day has enough trouble of its own. Taking one day at a time
isn’t scary. Yes in every way with CFS we have to approach
life’s goals and worries and thinking in little pieces. We
still get a lot done that way and we learn to cope with courage.
Patricia – Oh wow! I can’t believe you just pulled that verse. I am re-reading “Finding Strength in Weakness” and the author uses that very verse in the book!
I’m really glad you showed up on my blog, Patricia. You are a wealth of wisdom!
You make me feel so welcome and accepted. I have the same book
Strength in Weakness.
Patricia –
Have you read it? Did you like it?