I had this interesting epiphany recently. This past week, the FMS has been really bad – about a 7 or 8 out of 10. It isn’t so much the straight, sharp kind of pain, but that achy, stiffness kind of pain. It has been widespread so I don’t have anywhere on my body that isn’t currently hurting.
I can chalk this flare-up to the wonderful, rainy weather we are having here in Tulsa!
Anyway…
I have had a thought cross my mind a lot lately. Basically, I have been thinking about how I would cope if my pain level or profound exhaustion was at the peak levels every day, all day. I wouldn’t make it if that were the case.
Constant pain or never ending profound fatigue wears not just on me physically, but on me mentally and emotionally as well. There is this line ( I KNOW just where it is) of just how much I can take, and for how long, before I am begging for relief. If I find myself at that line for too long of a period, I find myself at the breaking point.
I believe God never gives me more than I can handle. Yet, I have to be honest here and say that I sometimes have conversations with God about how much He thinks I can endure and how much I know I can endure! 
Be that as it may, though, what if there were no waxing and waning of my symptoms – ever? Then what?
I understand in this really deep place inside of me, that even though I am a woman of faith, if I were in constant, never ending pain, profound fatigue and what not, I would hit a point of no return. I would give up. I could not live every moment of my life at a 10 pain level or fatigue level every day, every moment, forever. Even if my spirit was willing, I believe my body would eventually give up. It was never created to endure that kind of stress and havoc day in and day out.
That’s when the epiphany hit me! The waxing and waning is something I should be thankful for. It allows me to breathe; to catch my breath if you will; to regain control of my body and my life. Without the waxing and waning of my symptoms, I would never be able to surface for air.
Furthermore, that is what allows me to hope.
You see, I know that tomorrow can bring me new possibilities because it has done so in the past. The waxing and waning of symptoms reminds me of the possibilities of tomorrow. Just because today – at this moment in time – is really difficult, does not mean that tomorrow will be more of the same.
I then realized that it wasn’t the lack of waxing and waning symptoms that would break me. It is the loss of hope that would break my spirit and soul.
Today, I choose to embrace the waxing and waning of my symptoms as a reminder – a symbol – that I do indeed still have hope. It is that hope that I will cling to every moment of every hour until the miracle of healing arrives.
P.S. Today is my dad’s lung surgery, thus, I am coveting any and all prayers. Thank you!
Determined to continue forward,
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hi dominique,
how are you today?
your words ‘I know that tomorrow can bring me new possibilities because it has done so in the past’ are very inspiring.
Dear Lord I just pray for Dominique today that you would keep her, strengthen her, bless her. she has been a source of blessing to many of us. be her rock and her guide and I pray that the flames of hope she has will never go down.
I pray for her dad, i ask that the surgery will go smoothly in jesus name.
Thank you lord
Have a great day dominique
Ayo – Hi! Achy, painful but hopeful and trusting God!
Thank you so much, Ayo, for taking the time to pray for my dad! It has been six hours that he has been in surgery so I am really wanting to hear the news!
What a great way to look at it, Dominique. I too have wondered how I would ever withstand it, if I were in that kind of pain all of the time.
Thinking and praying for your Dad’s surgery….and you. Please keep us posted.
.-= Linda´s last blog ..From years gone by… =-.
Linda – Thank you for your prayers! I will let you all know when I know!
Dear Lord Jesus – Within your will and in your mercy I pray
Dominique will never lose hope and will keep looking for
improvement. In your mercy Lord I pray she will never have
to face 10′s for fatigue and pain that is constant.
I thank you for Dominique – she brings me more companionship,
comfort and understanding then she probably realizes.
I also ask for your healing power and wisdom and skill for
the doctors who are doing surgery/treatment for her dad.
In Jesus Precious Name I pray, Amen
Patricia – Okay…Phew! That brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much. That goes both ways by the way. You add a lot of sunshine to my day!
The waxing and waning of symptoms is helpful isn’t it. What you said about not being able to handle high levels of pain all the time ~ that it would make you hopeless?? That got me thinking. I deal with high levels of pain and cannot remember being without pain for the past 25 yrs. Of course my pain is not a 10 all the time, but it is consistently a 6 or 7. I still am able to sleep at night. When it goes to a 10 sleeping is out of the question as you know..I get so tired of it sometimes….but I keep hoping it will improve. I have never found anything I can tolerate for it. With Lyme most people have relentless pain…it can and does improve for most…I am still hopeful mine will improve. The neuropathy has improved some….Anyway, what I wanted to say was that you are a strong person Dominique and I know you would cope with it…with God’s help. I also know it is the one symptom I would love to get rid of…in a heartbeat!
To see the waxing and waning as a gift~~ Great insight! I am holding on to this one and when things ebb and flow I am going to rejoice and give thanks for the reprieves…
Sending hugs your way for steady improvement.
.-= Renee´s last blog ..Updates And Locked Doors =-.
Renee – I am so glad to see you back! Gosh have I been praying for you! I run at a 6 all the time as well. I have learned how to cope with that plus the Phenocane (herbs) work really well for me so that helps as well.
Thanks for the hugs and back at you!
I know this post is more about faith, but from a scientific point of view, the waxing and waning is also a good sign. Studies have shown higher recovery rates for people whose symptoms wax and wane. Something else to be hopeful about.
I’m very fortunate not to deal with much pain – just flu-like achiness in my lower body when I crash – but I understand what you mean about CFS flare-ups in general. I’ve been on the couch for two weeks now – not at my very worst but pretty bad – and I’m running out of patience!
Sue
.-= Sue Jackson´s last blog ..An Inspiring and Hopeful Story =-.
Sue – I did not know that! You are a wealth of great information! Wow! Sending you hugs and hoping you and the couch aren’t intimately bonded for much longer! LOL
P. S. Wouldn’t want to leave permanent butt cheek imprints on your couch, now would we! he he