Faith, Hope and Anticipation

You know something?  Today was a good day.  Interesting as it was laced with several asthma attacks.  The first was a result of losing our air conditioner when we lost our electric.  Amazingly, it didn’t take more than 20 minutes or so before I was having the ‘asthma cough’ as I call it.  My friend asked me if I was okay and if I was having problems with the asthma.  I responded that I didn’t know because this is kind new to me.  But I went ahead and used the emergency inhaler and lo and behold, I was having an asthma attack from the heat.  Wild…

The second episode happened when my friend and I picked up another friend to go to a meeting tonight.  She had rose oil perfume on and instantly my lungs started to shut down.  But again the inhaler worked really well.  I had to use it 2 more times – once during the meeting and once after the meeting – but other than that I was good to go.  I did have to wear my mask for about 2 hours but I really was okay with that.  I actually find it comforting because I know it is protecting me so we have kind of become ‘friends.’

I took a big step today.  I needed to get one more piece of luggage for my trip and I didn’t want to spend much money so I went to overstock.com (love that site) and ordered a 19″ lime green duffel bag for $21.00.  That works for me.

Anyway, that led me to start looking for the things I need to replace in my bathroom and then I ended up looking for the stuff I need for my kitchen.  I saved all the pages and links so I can grab them as the money comes in.

Amazingly, I have had several people email me asking my what I need to replace and that they would like to help me.  That brought me to tears.  It is quite humbling.  I’m thinking maybe I will do a house-warming party on-line when I finally get my apartment.

I thought I would take all the good wishes and comments on that day and print them out and frame them and put them in my apartment as a remembrance of all the hands that reached out and lifted me up when I need a little extra help.

I was also thinking I might put up a small list of things I need for those who so graciously want to help me out.  Okay…that makes me tear up.  I am just so overwhelmed by the love and compassion of all my on and off-line friends.  Phew!  It really is quite humbling.  I’m usually the one who helps others and finding myself in the ‘being helped’ position is …well, let’s say… a little challenging.

Anyway, I’d love to hear your feedback on what you think about you all coming to my online house-warming party?  You are ALL invited. Without YOU, I don’t know if I would be standing here feeling hope and anticipation creeping back into my soul!  Thank you so much! 

My readers are the greatest!  I had one reader who contacted her church who then contacted various pastors trying to get help to me when this crisis erupted.

I have another friend, Jolene from Graceful Agony, who made all my jewelry for my daughter’s wedding.  Speaking of which, I have something to show you.  I changed my mind about pants when I discovered this! (Enlarging the picture by clicking on it makes it easier to see the details!)

This is called a trumpet skirt and it actually goes with the top I bought and it was on sale for $66.00!  This is what the whole outfit looks like together (on a hanger anyway!  ha ha).

It’s hard to tell in this photo – it was hard to get the whole thing in my BB camera – but it is stunning.  The skirt and the jacket are stunning together and I feel so good in this outfit.  I even found perfectly matched shoes!

I can’t believe the wedding is just 28 days away and I will be flying home in 23!  Wow!  I need some fun and joy in my life so I am so looking forward to my daughter’s wedding.  I think I will probably cry with joy!

The hotel even found a wheelchair for me to have it on standby if I need it!  Love that!

Back to my readers… I had another reader who contacted me and said she wanted to replace my favorite Bible that I lost.  I should be getting it any day.

I am just incredibly humbled, incredibly grateful, and incredibly blessed by everything everyone has done and is doing for me.  Words are just not adequate enough to express my appreciation!  If I haven’t said thank you…well, thank you!

Today I really felt like faith, hope and anticipation were slowly creeping back into my heart.  I still am very raw by the loss and I am struggling with some fear but I am now moving forward again thanks to all my wonderful friends.

As for the fear, it is this feeling that I could easily lose everything again, in the blink of an eye.  I think the suddenness of the complete loss has caused a knee jerk reaction in my psyche and now there is this tentative hesitation to tread careful for fear I could find myself here again.  But I realize that is just another layer of coping and adjusting to all the change and loss.

I know that no matter what comes tomorrow, today I must take a step – even if it is a careful, tentative one – forward.  And so I am….

I’m glad you are coming along with me… 

Determined to continue forward,