As I have been doing my best to meet each and every challenge these past few weeks head on, with integrity and grace, I realized that this really comes down, for me at least, to what I will and won’t do.
So, today, I am creating my, I refuse, list as a reminder of the path I am choosing not to follow.
- I refuse to allow this crisis to crush me.
- I refuse to wallow in self-pity.
- I refuse to accept responsibility for anything that is not mine to own.
- I refuse to listen to those old tapes in my head that tell me I deserve this.
- I refuse to lose.
- I refuse to give up.
- I refuse to allow my uncomfortableness with the changes in my body to deter me from continuing forward.
- I refuse to sink into despair.
- I refuse to react in anger or vengeance.
- I refuse to move forward in anything but truth.
- I refuse to not find a way to prevent this from happening to others.
- I refuse to dwell on what has happened in the past.
- I refuse to not use my situation to help others.
- I refuse to become a burden versus a blessing to others.
- I refuse to lose my faith in the midst of this trial.
- I refuse to go quietly into the night – legally or otherwise.
- I refuse to continue to allow people to be dismissive of me.
- I refuse to become negative.
- I refuse to not see all the good that can come out of this crisis.
- I refuse to allow this crisis to change whoI am at my core.
You know what? I feel a whole lot better! 
Determined to continue forward,
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Wow, I find it hard enough to just not get angry at everyone. (My family, ’cause they’re basically the only people I see!)
I’m a very negative person by nature, and I’m working on the anger, but there are a lot of other issues that make everything worse! I try to visit your blog when I remember to, but I haven’t in a while, so how are you? =)
Alex´s last [type] ..Shopping and results!
Alex – I’m hanging in there! I hope you are able to work through you anger. Been there, done that. You are right, anger is a challenge to work through.
Dominique,
You can’t control your disease or your circumstances such as the mold, but you can control your attitude. Years ago, when I was using a motorized scooter after a stroke, I was visiting a client of my interior landscape business. The door to her office was very heavy, and I couldn’t get it open by myself. When she came to help me, she looked at me, shook her head, and said, “If I had to get around like that, I would never go out in public.” I asked her what she thought I should do—stay home and feel sorry for myself? She responded that she meant it as a compliment because she would never have the courage to be seen that way. I said she didn’t know how she would respond to a situation she had never encountered, but as for me, I chose to do all I could and be grateful for what I could do and what I had rather than lying in bed bemoaning what I couldn’t do and what I didn’t have.
Lillie Ammann´s last [type] ..Thanks to June 2010 Commenters
Lillie – You know…I think you and I are old souls! You are quite an inspiration, Lillie~
“I refuse to accept responsibility for anything that’s not mine to own”
That’s a great one. i wish I could do a better job of that one.
Hang in there Dominque….I can’t believe what you’re trying to manage at present. Remember, you’re allowed to be sad about it too.
upnorth´s last [type] ..Trying something new
upnorth – I do remember that I can be sad. More than I care too!
Wow, Dominique. What an inspiring post to wake up to. I’ll keep your list with me all day. Lille’s comment, “You can’t control your disease or your circumstances such as the mold, but you can control your attitude,” is so true, as your list shows us.
Toni – I agree. Lillie nailed it on that one!
Such a great post to read and has made me reconsider the way I view my life, my disability and my attitude towards both. Thank you for giving me hope that I can avoid self-pity and depression if I so choose (and hopefully I will have the strength).
Bethany Mason´s last [type] ..Judgement
Bethany – You’re welcome. I will be standing on the sidelines cheering you on!
“I refuse to justify myself to anyone”
Nancy´s last [type] ..Maintaining Sanity Through A Flare
Nancy – Good one!
I especially like the statement, “You know what, I feel a lot better”. Great attitude! I too feel a lot better after reading your determination to rise above all of this.
Pat –
Dear Dominique – It is a struggle (at least for most of us) to remain out
of the mud puddle of self pity. It takes mental energy to remember all
the truths you have shared and really do them. It takes less energy
to sink that to rise; however there is no benefit in sinking. It has been
a long hard struggle for me to stay positive over the years of illness.
I tell myself I’ve never faced as difficult a time as Dominique (perhaps
in the past which I’m glad not to dwell on); and if she can do it I can too.
You continue to uplift and inspire me with your bravery and emotional
fortitude.
Patricia –
Love your list here…very encouraging for all of us..Your determination will get you through this too. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. And I also really like Lillian’s statement on attitude.
Gentle hugs~
Renee´s last [type] ..Saturdays Scribbles
Renee – Me too. Lillie’s statement on attitude was awesome!
After I read your “about me” post I feel my previous comment was not quite appropriate because you obviously went through all of these troubles and know what to do yourself. I am glad you found natural treatments.
I truly admire your fighting spirit! It is not that you will win, you are the winner now!
Yun Yi – thank you! I do feel like a winner now no matter what I am facing!
I love this! It’s so easy to let the pain and circumstances overtake all of us. This is a wonderful post to remind us to be thankful in all things and that our attitude can do a whole lot for our pain; physical and mental!
Thanks sweetie and hope you’re doing better. You have really been through the mill on this one. Let me know if there is anything I can do …………..
Rosemary
Rosemary Lee´s last [type] ..UPDATE VIDEO FROM STANFORD
Rosemary Lee – I so appreciate you offers of help Rosemary. I can’t tell you how much!
Dominique,
Even in this, you continue to encourage others. Amazing!
Your blog has gotten me to rethink some things, so I am putting myself out there. I dusted off the old beginnings of a blog and now I am blogging too.
Take care,
Ruth
Ruth´s last [type] ..Working
Ruth – All right! You go, Ruth! Woo Hoo!