All things that go up must come down

It has been said that,

all things that go up must eventually come down.

Unfortunately, that proves true with CFIDS and FMS more oft than not.

Today, I have been feeling pretty bad.  If I didn’t know better…

I would think I came home from the hospital with one, bad stomach bug.  I am drinking this all natural green drink trying to give my intestines and stomach a break as well as sipping on Coke.

In addition, today I am utterly wiped out.  I feel like my body is moving around the house, but the rest of me is lagging way behind.  Sometimes, I think if I look behind me I will catch myself curled up in a ball, fast asleep.

I have had several people comment on how I should take it easy but the reality is that pacing is a little challenging during these last 11 days before the wedding and living in someone else home.  I can’t really pace according to my needs as I need to be considerate and accommodate my room-mates schedules and availability as well.

I have almost everything taken care of for the wedding except for the last $300 I need for the day of the wedding.  I’m really excited about the ‘big’ day, but on the other hand, my body is so ready for a break.

In actuality, I think the fact that I have to move into the apartment a month early is probably a good thing.  I can just crash out for as long as I need – maybe for a month or so – until I can recover from all the stress and pushing I have had to do these past few months.

It is amazing to me that we are already on the second half of this year.  Yikes!  Where in the world did it go!  I’m not sure – at this point – that I can say this year has been a good one with all the mold problems and the toxic chemical exposure, but the end of the year definitely appears to have changed course and is now headed towards a much better view! 

As a side issue, my gait now seems to be okay for the most part except when I am tired (funny huh! – like when am I not tired!  ha ha) but my speech and memory problems are still readily apparent.

At the tour of the Mayo 420 Building the other day, several times I got lost in the conversation.  I even asked questions only to realize that what I thought had been said, hadn’t.  A little embarrassing but not something I can’t deal with.

The memory issues are frustrating.  It’s like someone took my brain, shook it and then threw it on the floor.  My brain is standing there looking at the pieces with no clue how to put them back into a coherent form. I know that this is part of the reason for my stuttering.  There are times that the stuttering is worse than others but when it happens it’s as if my brain and mouth just get stuck.  I eventually am able to move on after a few seconds but it is a really odd experience since this is something I have never experienced in my life – ever.

On the asthma end, since learning how to properly use my inhalers, as well as, adding some new medication, things are going better.  We have also turned down the air as it turned out that hot air was a pre-cursor to breathing problems.

In addition, I put the” pre-paring with the emergency inhaler the day before I go out” to a test (I now have to prepare the day before on hot or humid days) and was able to make it for about 4 hours before I started having problems.  That is a good improvment.

Basically, I have to use my emergency inhaler every 4-6 hours for 24 hours prior to going outside in the heat or humidity.  I wasn’t really sure if it would work, but I did okay when I tried it.

At church last night, the Pastor and his wife were reminding us how life isn’t fair.  Boy do I understand that statement.  I know for me personally, that was an incredible ‘ah hah’ moment when I finally got it.

I have come to understand  over time that my journey isn’t about fairness as much as it is about how I choose to deal with whatever situation I am confronted with.  I have also learned that trying to respond instead of reacting to the situation is paramount to a faster, steadier, resolution.

You know…life isn’t fair.  But whoever said life gets to dictate how my life will turn out?  I sure didn’t.  I have no intention to lay down and let life and challenging circumstances run over me.  Nope!  I intend to push back, fight back, and win back – EVERY TIME~!

Determined to continue forward,