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In TOMORROW, there is always the PROMISE of POSSIBILITY

"Sunset"I recently was having a conversation with a friend of mine online who also has ME about what I had learned, if anything these past eight months of being bed, house and wheelchair bound.  I’ve been thinking about that a lot.

The absolute delight and joy that invades me when I step out into the sunshine is indescribable.  I feel the warmth of the sun kissing my skin, embracing me in it’s warmth and I start to tear up with thanks recalling that even a month ago, leaving my apartment wasn’t even a remote possibility.

I’m also repeatedly reminded of the wonder of my improvement when I receive emails from friends who have entered new relapses or God forbid, been involved in devastating car accidents (as in the call I received just last night).

Every once in a while, I feel a twinge of guilt because I am having a good period and so many I know are not.

So the question hit me deep in my soul.  What have I learned from my time being imprisoned by ME in my home?

I learned that in tomorrow, there is always the promise of possibility.  I learned that no matter how challenging my moments are, and they are just moments in the greater scheme of my entire life, there is always the possibility of a better moment.  It may lay way off in the future, just outside of my grasp, but it is there.  I just have to hang on until it comes.

I also learned that in those really dark times when my soul whispers in my ear that it is struggling to believe and have hope, that I need to dig down deep within my soul and find a reason to hold on for another moment.

I might even need to reach outside of myself, and ask for help to find that reason to hang on.  Whatever I can do to hang on for one more minute, I just need to do it.

For me – as many of my readers know – the thing that keeps me holding on from possibility to possibility – is this core belief that I hold to.

I am here for a reason. 

It is not some sort of comsmic chance.

It is not coincidence.

I am here for a purpose and a reason.

I have always had this sense, innately, deep within the very fiber of my being that I was created for something great.  I can’t quite explain it but that sense crushes the ME when it comes to demand more from me than I am willing to give up.

ME may steal my plans, my health and my body but it can steal my hope, my faith, my desires and my dreams.  Those are mine and I hold them close to my heart with the protective quality of a mamma bear and her cubs.

I will give my all, fight with everything I have to fulfill the purpose I have been put on this earth to do.  Even … if it means doing it from my laptop, through my writing, through my heart to heart connections with each and every person that I meet in person or via the internet.

There is this passion in me to make other’s lives better, to encourage them to hold on until that new possibility comes along, and to share my birthed possibilities with them in order to spur them toward the incredible possibilities awaiting them just around the next bend.

I also learned one other lesson.  One that has had a powerful and changing affect on me.

Being so ill these past eight months felt like I was in a prison.  Sometimes, like I was going to die.  Afterwards, I felt like I had died and then been brought back to life and received a second chance if you will.

That emotional experience has birthed such expectations in my soul that the number is limitless.  It has shown me that I want to live my life to the fullest during the good times so when I am again lying there in the dark, or resting for a longer period again, I have no regrets.

At 48, my life has been one of many regrets.  I no longer want to live that way.

I want to live on my own terms, in my own way, free to be me.  No longer will I blindly follow other’s or try to mold myself into their perspective of who I am or should be.

I want to be free.  Free to be me.  Free to live when I can.  Free to embrace life as much and as often as I can.

No longer will I fear what other’s think, say, or demand.  I will listen to my soul and my heart and I will follow the path that I have been called to walk along.

I will emrace life as it has been given me for as long as it is given me.

I also want to allow myself to think outside the box, if you will, and accept any limitations that might be there, but also acknowledge that I have the ability to embrace life in a new, different way.

Who knows.  Maybe this was the way I was always meant to embrace my life anyway.  I definitely have an infinitely deepend appreciation of the second chance I have been given and have no intention at all of squandering it.

That way, on those bad days, I can rest and remember, that I ran the race while I could and I ran it well.

P.S.  I am also being moderate in my approach so no worries.

Determined to continue forward,

"Red Signature"

 

14 thoughts on “In TOMORROW, there is always the PROMISE of POSSIBILITY”

  1. Renee says:

    Beautiful, Dominique…and good for you. Be free…!!

    1. Dominique says:

      Renee – thank you. May we all become free.

  2. Baffled says:

    I am so happy that you are feeling better!!

    1. Dominique says:

      Baffled – Thank you.

  3. Patricia Stotler says:

    These words I needed “I will embrace life as it has been given me
    for als long as it is given me” Also what you said about ME cannot
    take your desires and dreams – made me think about a thought
    I had quite some time ago- Even if it isn’t possible to actively
    engage my desires and dreams they are mine and they say
    a lot about me and what I love and value and this ME cannot
    take away from me. Your card came today. Thank you so
    much for the thoughtfulness. Thoughtfulness seems to come
    more from other people with ME struggles than my own family.
    I am trying to deal positively with something that hurts a lot –
    my daughter and grand daughter – hardly ever get to see them.
    I know you know that huge desire also. Early in illness I
    would see someone one much older than I am out for a stroll
    with their dog and the longing was so intense. I got better
    about that – the boo hoo thoughts did not come automaticailly
    all the time. Now I see my roommate being active in many ways
    and very social too. And I’m finding “having it in my face”
    is causing me to boo hoo again. But there is a companion
    thought that if I am craving what I can’t seem to have and
    someone else is reminding me enough of it so I’m
    “mumbling to the Lord” (from OT wilderness mumbling)
    then it is like telling God what he has give me is not good
    enough. I am praying God will forgive me my mumblint
    and give me his power to overcome my negative feelings.
    It is easy to just chalk it up to “being human” but wilth God’s
    help I want to emotionally live in better place than what
    just comes naturally. Did that make sense.

    1. Dominique says:

      Patricia – I’m so sorry you are having a rough patch.

      It is hard when our families don’t understand. Hopefully your daughter and grand-daughter will come around soon.

      Your welcome. I found that tangible cards were really important these past few months and allowed me to see them over and over for days.

      Hang in there my friend and remember you are not alone!

  4. Patricia Stotler says:

    typo– should say mumbling!

  5. phylor says:

    I hope you continue to feel free, be free, and share your (feelings of) freedom with your virtual friends.
    Your strength of spirit has guided you through the darkness; it will also show you the way in the light.

    1. Dominique says:

      Phylor – thank you. What a beautiful comment.

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  8. Carolyn says:

    Hi Dominique, I missed this! How could I? It is so good that you’re feeling so much better. Yes it’s like being set free from prison and I guess the desire to run wild, run free, is overwhelming. One spends so much time when you’re shut in planning what you will do when you’re let out. Do you know, I’ve just thought that heaven will be a bit like that! Totally free and unfettered, no pain, no sorrow, no regrets. What a day that will be! :)

    Keep on keeping on x

    1. Dominique says:

      Carolyn – Thank you. I am glad that I am feelling better as well. That was one rough relapse I had to deal with. My first and hopefully my last.

      Running free and being well and whole! That would be amazing. I can see that heaven would be like that!

      Hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

  9. Joey says:

    Hi Dominique– you bring up an interesting dynamic for people with ME & similarly devastating illnesses. At what cost does holding onto dreams come with, without any certainty whatsoever that better functionality will come? I think there’s something to be said for making the most out of our limitations. Sticking to our dreams from our past life can give us this impression that they’re constantly out of reach. I used to make lists of things to do when I was healthy. A few years passed by, and every time I looked back at that list it became a more sour experience.

    I think redefining “freedom” and “dreams” can be an empowering thing. If we become more functional, then we can amp up our definitions. With that said, thanks for the healthy reminder to always hold onto the hope of possibility. No matter our conditions, IMO there is always room to improve the quality of life in measurable ways. Being driven to do so in the depths of disease is half the battle.

    1. Dominique says:

      Wow! I don’t think I could have said that any better!!!

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