I have been thinking a lot about the past three years and the many obstacles and changes I have had to find ways to circumvent. There were times that I just had to will myself to take a step forward. Often, those steps seemed small and insignificant. More often, it appeared as if I wasn’t moving forward at all.
Despite that, hind sight really is 20/20. So many things have changed in my life for the better. However, in order for me to embrace these positive changes I had to constantly remind myself that tomorrow is always full of the possibility of a different outcome even when everything in my immediate purview told me otherwise.
One of the most profound changes that has become symbolic of the physical changes that have occurred in the last one plus years, is in my living environment. When I first moved into this apartment I came with a few boxes, a few sets of clothes and nothing else. My first purchase was an air mattress.
Since that time, I have been steadily buying a piece or two of furniture every three months. In addition, I was recently blessed with a few pieces of furniture plus a nice television and DVD/CD player.
I cannot tell you how these few pieces of furniture and the ability to watch movies, television shows and whatnot have positively impacted my emotional well-being. My home is finally starting to feel like my home.
While that may not seem like a huge deal … it really is.
Suddenly I have a space in this world that is all mine. The emptiness that once was my apartment is no longer here and thus no longer echos of the many losses I suffered from the mold and poisoning.
My eyes are greeted every day with color, texture, and things that are an extension of who I am … of who I am becoming out of the ashes of destruction.
I am greeted with a four-legged, smashed-face creature who showers me with love every single day. In doing so, he has slowly but surely lessened the grief that gripped my heart at the loss of my beloved Dekker (and having to re-home Bronte).
My environment also reminds me that I never truly know what my destiny and future hold. No matter what life throws at me, nothing is set in stone.
Change can happen.
Good can come out of bad.
Purpose can be birthed out of loss and grief.
Destiny can blossom even among the thorns of life.
What I have learned in all of this, perhaps more than anything, is that steadfastness and the human spirit (my will) are really all that is needed in order to hang on and endure tragedy. What I choose to believe really does dictate what ultimately comes to pass.
The road I travel is not always of my own making, but the person I become, the strength and resolve that is birthed within me, is.
Determined to Continue Forward,