Looking back at my blog history, it has been a long time since I have posted anything. I could give you all sorts of reasons for my absence but in the end I realized it was more about not knowing where I was headed when I was no longer bed and house bound.
Over these past few months, however, I have come to realize that while I have made great progress (thank you Becca Doucette!!), I still have a long way to go.
I have recently come to the realization that there are things that will now be part of my life permanently out of necessity … that is if I want to have a life that is different from the one I was living after being poisoned and completely collapsing.
A NEW year seems like a good place to start implementing new changes, which I will be writing about in the days and months ahead. One change you may have noticed, however, is that I have now changed the name of my blog. The url will not change so if you are linked here, no worries.
The new name, beyond … 4Walls and AView, really encapsulates what I realized after months of struggling of where to take my blog. I was no longer seriously ill so contuing a discussion on that front seemed disingenous. However, as I stated abve, I am not 100% and making the transition from being bed bound 22-23 hours a day to functioning 70% of the time is like walking a tight rope.
There is the physical gymnastics I must constantly undertake to determine if I can push and do more or if I need to taper back a bit. Exercise has been a perfect example of this tension line. Two years of working at becoming consistant with exercising revealed that there is still a wall I can run into. There is still a limit to what I can do.
Additionally, there is a mental discourse that I must constantly challenge in order to make sure that I am pushing forward at times when I am able and not using Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) or Fibromyalgia (FMS) as an excuse not to be all I can be today.
Despite that, I have also come to grasp that moving forward physically is a battle that I will most likely endure for the rest of my days here on this earth. That is … if I want to be physically and mentally as agile as I possible can be.
In addition, I think the new blog name also reflects the struggle I am having with goals. Can I implement them? How do I go about implementing them? After all these years, what am I capable of in a relationship, in the work arena, and in the social sphere.
Perhaps more importantly, though, is the lingering question, “What do I want to do with my life now that I am doing so much better, yet still within the perameters of this frustrating illness?”
I am extremely thankful and humbled that God provided me a way out of my bed with Amazing Grass. I’m also glad that He brought an amazing woman into my life who has helped me move forward physically while allowing my body the flexibility it needs to adjust and heal in it’s own way and time. I don’t think I would have made it this far with out her. (thank you again Becca Doucette!!) These are all lessons that I do not take lightly.
Nor have I forgotten the many friends I have that are still in that dark place. I hope that this new direction in my life my help you and give you hope. If it does … than all of this was well worth the ardous journey.