I apologize for not having a post up yesterday. I was feeling pretty lousy and just so ready to go to bed. I ended up sleeping 11 hours straight. I am planning to do the same tonight. 
In addition, I had a phone call about the pugs which left me a wreck. First, the male caller was volleying questions so fast, I was reeling. While he was talking to me, there was tons of noise in the background, so I was having a really difficult time understanding and following the conversation. I think he realized something was wrong when he asked when they could come over to see Dekker because by that point I was so overwhelmed I just stopped answering questions.
A woman came on next and…
she clarified they only wanted Dekker which was disappointing because the ad specifically said I was trying to keep them together. Then she dropped the bomb that completely freaked me out. She told me that their last 2 dogs had been stolen! My heart just fell into my stomach.
I ended up talking to my friend Kim and she helped me calm down and breathe. I think I was overwhelmed by the whole conversation and just lost sight of the fact that I get to chose who gets to adopt my 2 favorite pugs. I eventually calmed down and called the lady back and told her I didn’t think this was a good match for the dogs.
I remember thinking afterwords, how silly it was to get so frazzled. I do not handle multiple-stimuli events well at all anymore. I have almost no tolerance for those kind of environments, especially when I am not feeling well. So, new game plan.
I will have to approach the calls in a more assertive way and if there is multiple noises occurring in the background, I will need to ask the person if we can talk at another time that is quieter or if they can go somewhere that is quieter.
If two people are talking, I hear nothing. It’s sort of like on a television set where you get the straight static noise. If 2 people are talking at the same time, or there is something else going on in the background, my brain just goes blank - static – nothingness.
I also can’t accomplish 2 things at one time anymore. My brain just becomes defunct and I can’t process how to accomplish either thing. I discovered that this is one of the problems I am having with the pugs. I usually take both of them out together in the morning. Dekker goes one way and Bronte goes another. It never used to bother me, but over the last year, I just get frazzled and I can’t figure out what to do. I hate that!
The dogs, unwittingly, provided me with a solution to my delimma yesterday morning when Bronte rang the bell to alert me she had to go potty and Dekker didn’t want to go. Doing each dog separately was so much easier and I didn’t become frazzled or overwhelmed. It was awesome! I did it again this morning and it worked just as well. In addition, Bronte goes potty much quicker so it takes us less time, thus less energy, then when I take them together.
I think I can handle just about all the other symptoms, but these brain malfunctions are so frustrating. I often wonder if this is what it is like for someone who has dementia. I think I am developing an appreciation for those who suffer with conditions that affect their memory. At least that is one positive ramification of this symptom. It allows me the ability to have compassion for someone else who is struggling with memory issues. There was a time in my life when I would not have had such empathy.
Perhaps, like a diamond in the rough, I am being shaped by these challenges, thus, shaping me into a person who has a much more tender heart and a greater capacity to empathize with another person’s struggles.
Determined to continue forward,
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Hi there, this sounds terribly fraught. Poor you! I’m just wondering if you can elicit some help or just get some advice from say a charity that is expert in rehoming animals? Or maybe get someone to act as an agent for you? Any person without CFS would find this enormously stressful and you have the double whammy.
That’s amazing they ring a bell when they need to go out. You have them so well trained.
I hope the good rest continues! All the best from across the sea.
Jo´s last blog ..A little pissed off.
Jo – You live in one of my favorite places, Jo! I loved England when I lived in Ipswich for three years. Loved it!
I had a feeling people were going to pick up on the bell! It took me 6 months to train her to do that. Actually, good advice. I was thinking of calling our Vet and see if he might be able to help.
Is there possibly a Breed Rescue Volunteer Group in your area.
If there is a Humane Society, No Kill shelters, – these groups
could help you find out if there is a Pug Rescue Group.
Perhaps a volunteer from a Rescue Group could listen to your
requirements for the Pug’s new owners. They get calls from
people looking to rescue dogs and maybe that volunteer could
screen and send potential owners to you. Just a thought and
maybe it would be helpful especially if you come to a place
where you are not getting calls from the ads. I think the
way it would help me would be to have my list of questions
for them sitting by the phone and even if a lot of what they
say isn’t sinking in you could politely interrupt at some point and say
I would like to ask you…such and such; taking notes. If it sounds good
ask if you could call back and talk again before making any
decision. I’d also not make a committment until I met the person(s)
in person. Just some thoughts and maybe you already thought
of this.
I think of you often regarding the Pugs and find myself wishing
you had a neighbor or friend (someone that is home a lot,
retired perhaps) that could take the dogs out to go potty
take them if needed to the vet. I just wonder if there is
a rescue group if there would be a volunteer in the area
would could give you enough of support to keep the Pugs.
I know what a difficult decision you are making and you
moved quickly powered by Love for Them; and so I hope my
mentioning this last idea doesn’t cause you grief as I know
you probably thought this out carefully and my suggestion
of back tracking might not be the right thing to be talking
about. But I just felt compelled to share my thoughts.
I hope the calls will get easier and that you can find the
right home. I’m praying for this daily. My little Sammy
is my reminder to pray.
Patricia – Thank you so much! I have been thinking of plan B (good military training) if Plan A doesn’t work. I have decided to call in a trainer/behaviorist and have her look at our environment, my circumstances and the dogs and see what she can offer to help us accommodate each other. I’m thinking maybe she can offer some suggestions or training/behavior modification that will work. I’ve been thinking about people who are severely disabled and the dogs are trained to behave a certain way so maybe we could do that with my smart pugs.
I have checked for rescue groups but haven’t found any close by.
Plan C is to call my Vet and see what he might suggest.
But the ad is good for 30 days so for now I will wait and see what happens. Maybe there is another path I am suppose to take. I don’t know but I am open.
I’m glad I did not offend you by suggesting some possible way
to keep the Pugs. Guess not too realistic to have a friend/
neighbor there much of the time I was just grabbing straws
in hopes you can keep them. I was concerned I would upset you
by suggesting back tracking. Good for you to have multiple plans.
I’m praying for the very best solution and your peace with it.
I’m so intune with how you are feeling because Sammy is old
I don’t have to face giving him away, but I do have to face
whether I can do justice to another dog and myself.
One way I have had to accommodate Sammy’s needs sounds kinda
disgusting. He always slept with me and I miss that dearly, but
a year ago he started needing to go potty multiple times during
the night. I thought he would resist sleeping in the tiled
family room/kitchen and would bark and bark. But he settled
down there and I’ve had to put a tarp to protect the tiled
floor – a tarp covered with newspapers. He is so good to
go only there. And I don’t get woken up by him. Also because
he is so old he needs to pee upteen times/day. I try to
take him out twice a day when it is pretty nice out so
he can do his thing out there. But there is no way I
can take him out 20 times a day. The icky part is that
my kitchen is very close to his “bathroom” Living alone
I can put up with that. Just wondering if your apartment
bathroom is big enough to put down a tarp and papers.
Could you train them to go there. I know 2 dogs – kinda
stinky. I hope the trainer has some very good ideas.
Patricia – I would never be offended. I have tried that but my dogs are so well trained that they will not go in the house. But again, I have no problem adapting to keeping them if I can find help to find a way to resolve the problems I am having. I had a social worker make some suggestions and she thought I would qualify for some help, so, I’m not ruling that out.
But, in the end I need to do what is best for them. If I can find a way to make it work for both of us, that works for me. I have no problem changing my decision if I can find a workable solution to it. Just haven’t found it yet.
I do appreciate you offering other options. You know sometimes, I get really overwhelmed and stress out and God shows me an open door I never saw. So it is in his hands now.
Thinking of you and lifting you and your sweet pugs up in prayer. The right family will come forward! I am always amazed at how quickly stress affects us. Protecting ourselves and making our needs known is hard I think, but necessary. Hope you are doing better tonight.
Renee´s last blog ..In A Bit Of A Tizzy
Hi Dominique,
I’ve been reading your comments on other people’s blogs for several months now, so I thought I’d come over here and say hello (I don’t have a blog myself). I love the name of your blog. It so well describes my life. I’ve had CFS for almost 9 years, having fallen ill on a trip and never having recovered. Many days I can’t even get out of bed. On my best days, I can go to a corner cafe and sit and have a decaf mocha for a half hour.
So, I’ve found you right when you’re in the middle of finding homes for your dogs. I understand just why you need to do this. If my husband weren’t here to care for our dog, we’d have to do the same. I can’t imagine the stress of fielding phone calls — it would be stressful for someone who is healthy. Perhaps you can find a rescue organization that will give them foster homes and will promise you they won’t give them to anyone permanently unless they go together.
It’s nice to at last find your blog!
Toni
Toni – How great to ‘meet’ you! Well, you life mirrors mine on bad days. I can do a lot more on better days but as of now seem to be in an extended crash of varying levels.
Don’t you love going out to a coffee shop! Oh, that is one of my most favorite things to do!
I know that it is going to work out with the pugs. I have contacted a trainer/behavioralist today to see what her suggestions might be. Maybe someone looking in from the outside that understand dogs can offer me the best solution.
Thank you so much for coming by and I hope to see you often and get to know you better. Have a great weekend!
Hi Dom–I loved this post because I could so relate. I can do only one thing at a time (and I hyperfocus at it). Phone calls through the years (particularly business calls) have been a great challenge and often an embarrasment. Now I only make them on my best of days and “humor” my way through them (which can actually be fun when the person on the other end is a funny one).
I am going to put in my coping arsenal your “being assertive” on phone calls…telling people that you need to call back later and such.
“CFS dementia” is actually listed often as a symptom of this darn illness–so yes, I think we get a true taste of what those with dementia go through. My Grandma has it and I try to tell my Dad…she’s still in there, it’s just her brain that’s malfunctioning.
I love your attitude of learning from the humbling experiences, from the struggles….of growing in compassion (which you already have a great deal of!)
So, glad you got eleven hours of sleep and hope since then you’ve gotten more…and that its helping you feel better.
I love finding your spirit lifting, warm comments on my blog. They always make me smile. Hugs to you and wishes for a feel as good as possible weekend.
Kerry´s last blog ..nice, genuine, authentic people…
Kerry – CFS dementia – that is a new one for me. I learned something new today! Wow! I will have to research that and see what I come up with. Funny how we know what is wrong and how it works even if we can’t apply a medical jargon to it, huh?! LOL
Thank you. You are always a great source of inspiration for me! I am so glad that we met and have become ‘friends.’