Yesterday proved to be a very challenging day for me. I was struggling with dizziness which seems to come and go, but when it hits, it is bad enough that I struggle doing just about anything.
In addition…
my balance was a little worse. I notice that when my balance is worse that my legs are not as stable and strong as they were before the incident.
And, I now struggle in one-on-one conversations. I have embarrassingly snapped at several people now. Unwittingly, people talking in a normal voice and speed, overwhelms me. One of my good friends whom I’m staying with works really hard at slowing down when we are processing through all the decisions I have to make. If she doesn’t, I just get really wigged out.
It’s kinda like the lottery. They have the little machine with all those balls in it and when they spin the machine, you never know what balls are going to come out. That’s similar to how things are processing in my brain. I never know what is going to come out. And more oft than not, it gets all jumbled. Again, I have okay moments and then I have these really jumbled moments. However, normal speech is just too much for me when I am struggling. Thank God it’s not a constant thing. Even still, it is quite challenging.
I have decided it is best if I leave Dekker here and I shorten my time back East. I think all the business of the wedding is just going to overwhelm me and I don’t want to contribute any more chaos than we already have had to deal with up to this point. In addition, I didn’t realize I can’t take Dekker with me to the Hotel or to my daughter’s apartment which creates further issues I will have to deal with and find solutions to in the midst of all the wedding craziness. As I am not processing well, I think wisdom would dictate to do the wedding in a way that would create the best, positive outcome. And to be honest, I don’t think my family really gets what has happened, so adding my difficulties to a high tension time probably is not wise.
Furthermore, I think one more move for Dekker will be extremely challenging for him. So, he can stay where I am now and at least have some normalcy till I find my new home in November sometime.
All of this really makes me realize that when all is said and done, all I can do in the end is stand. I can’t undo what has been done. I can only choose to go forward. I can also choose to meet each day and all of its challenges one moment at a time. That in and of itself, can at times, be quite overwhelming. Thus, to concern myself about tomorrow only creates more chaos and havoc for me.
Additionally, I completely understand that the only choices I need to make each and every day are the one that effect here and now. I can plan – in a loose way – for some of the things I need to prepare for in the future, but most of my energy needs to be about dealing with the here and now challenges.
I was thinking about how if this had happened to me before 1996, I would have become a complete wreck. Fortunately, I was able to take several years and address my past as well as learn some great coping skills which are now coming in handy.
That and my faith. This situation would completely sink me. I have no doubt I would have broken under the pressure of this crisis. And yet, here I stand in the midst of one of the most challenging times of my life, and I know with everything in me, that great things are going to come out of this situation.
I have no idea what that looks like, but I am ready to meet the challenges and I am ready to win.
Determined to continue forward,
Sorry to hear about such difficulties. That kind of neurological symptoms are luckily well-treatable. You should look into piracetam and other nootropics, they could make a very big difference.
Maja – Thank you! I will.
Oh Dominique….My heart goes out to you….you’ve been through so much. I really admire your strength and determination through all of this. Sending hugs to you.
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Linda –
I like the way you are looking after yourself and Dekker. There is hope, lots of it.
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Jo – You are so right! There is always hope!
Sounds like you have a plan. I know what you mean about moving forward. We can only do our best with this day. Getting too anxious about what’s happened and what might happen just make things worse. I HATE the dizziness. I find sometimes rest helps. Hang in there Dominique and best wishes for your travelling. It can be challenging I know (I’m just finishing up a trip).
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upnorth – I’m glad you are back from your trip. I don’t like the dizziness either. I find the same thing. Sometimes rest helps me as well.
Does sound like you are doing what will cause the least amount of extra stress for you and your sweet dog. That’s a good thing. You mentioned that the dizziness is worse now…I do know you said you react to meds…are any of the increased probelms from the inhalers? Just a thought….Oh, and I did want to ask you if you are taking anything to detox the body of the chemicals you were assaulted with? They will store in the fat cells and tissues if the body feels overloaded…I do have a few that work for me…herbal…. with no side effects…Just another thought and if you are iterested you can email me…
You said, something good will come from this…God does do that for us doesn’t He…YES…God is walking with you, holding you up and sometimes carrying you ….how blessed we are to have him in times like this. What has happened to you is horrible…unfair….unacceptable….I am so sorry that it has. I pray that God will bring healing to your body….removing the toxins and healing the brain and nerve endings…
All will be well. Jesus is with you.
Love and hugs
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Renee – Yes. They said the inhalers will cause me to feel like I’m on speed. However, I was doing this before I started the inhalers. Still, there is no way to know if they aren’t indeed making everything more profound. The VA was very careful about putting me on meds that I would have the least reaction to because the treatments I was having every four hours in the hospital made me so wired I was coming out of my skin.
Our family doctor is an all herbal doctor and he had me add five new herbs that will detox while supporting my immune system.
I agree. Without God hope would be a little challenging in this situation.
Oh Dominique. It seems like one thing after another. I like thought that you’re making plans that include knowing when to compromise so that you can get through what you need to with the least amount of stress. Thinking of you everyday.
Toni – It’s helps me so much to know that I am in your thoughts. Thank you.
Hi Dominique, I don’t recall the date of the wedding. It must have been
mentioned in one of the earliest posts. And where do you have to travel
to for the wedding? I’m praying you can get a lot of rest and that
the most difficult symptoms improve before you have to leave. You have
had it so very very difficult for too long. You remain in my thoughts and
prayers.
Patricia – August 28th~ Yes. I am flying back around the 23rd of August. Thank you for your continued prayers! I’m praying for you and for Sammy!
To answer your questions: I think I need to be finished with Sammy’ intensive care.
I need to just focus on him while he is here. But my application and
emailing – they know all about me. Actually I think it might be wise
for me to have a few weeks of emotional rest before I go any further
forward with adopting a dog. I could miss a good match and adopting
while the weather is good for possible need for re-training a dog to be
house trained. – I just need some time out. It has been almost three
months that Sammy has been going down hill and I’m exhausted
emotionally. He is still with me but I just can’t believe it will be for
much longer.