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IN MEMORY
What I’m Listening 2
Tag Archives: Fibromyalgia
A DIAMOND in the rough?
I apologize for not having a post up yesterday. I was feeling pretty lousy and just so ready to go to bed. I ended up sleeping 11 hours straight. I am planning to do the same tonight. In addition, I had a phone call about the pugs which left me a wreck. First, the male caller was volleying questions so fast, I was reeling. While he was talking to me, there was tons of noise in the background, so I …
The art of LETTING go
I am still struggling to get over whatever it was that I caught last week. I started taking some de-congestion today and hopefully that will start clearing up my chest, throat, and head in the next couple of days. I will be glad when the coughing fits are over. My ribs are getting very sore from all this coughing. In addition, today was a bit challenging as my cognitive functions was below par for me. I felt as if I …
My gut wrenching decision
Written on Sunday Night @ 6pm I have spent an hour or so vacillating between sadness and anger. I have a decision to make – one that has been coming for about a year now – but I don’t want to do what I know is right. I hate who I become on bad days. I strive to be someone who is positive more often than not; who looks at all the good I have been blessed with. But on …
Defining Moment #1: I said YES
I don’t think one thing has been the ‘miracle’ answer for me in how I continue to keep going forward, but my journey to a more positive outlook has come about through a path of defining moments. One of those defining moments took place at college – Oral Roberts University (ORU) – in the first years I was there. I was required to take Old Testament survey and I can tell you I was none to happy. I had been …
Things I cherish
I wanted to thank everyone who has been praying for me and sending words of encouragement. I think I am on the road to recovery. The fatigue is better, although, I awoke to severe nausea and dizziness. That is usually an indication, however, that I am nearing the end of whatever bug or virus I caught. I have always jokingly said that I know I am near the end of a bug because it lands in my stomach. Usually, I …
One-eyed view
If I thought yesterday was bad, today was worse. Wow! This bug really knocks you to the ground. I spent most of the day in bed. It would take me several hours to regain enough energy to get up, take the dogs out potty, get something to eat, answer my mail and then head back to bed. It is about 20-25 steps from the chair in my living room to the bed in my bedroom. By the time I would …
7,300 days
Well, today it is obvious to me that I have caught some kind of bug. I am running a fever, have a deep cough, am having difficulty breathing, and have the chills which is usually indicative to my having caught a virus or a bug. So, my goal for this week has changed to taking it very slow and resting a lot. As I was laying in my chair-and-a-half (I have figured out I can put my head on one …
Posted in Featured
Tagged "7300", 4 walls and a view, chronic fatigue syndrome, days, Fibromyalgia, personal
22 Comments
Patiently awaiting…A Great Moment
You know when you have one of those days that everything just goes wrong!? Well, that is how the last three days have gone. Dekker, the black pug, ended up at the hospital last Monday (2/8) through Tuesday with a very swollen stomach and this odd ‘honking-like’ sound he kept making. The vet couldn’t find anything wrong so he cleared him and sent him home. The minute we left the Vet’s office, Dekker started the ‘honking-like’ noise again. So I …
Executive decisions
I never knew I could get exhausted just looking at wedding gowns over the internet while on the phone with my daughter! Phew! I spent about 1 1/2 hours looking through dozens of ‘mother’s’ dresses and my daughter and I narrowed down the list to six that I need to go and try on in the next few months. I will be wearing the color ‘truffle’ for my daughter’s wedding in August! I also got to see the dresses the …
Hidden opportunities to IMPROVE my CHARACTER
One of the things I love about blogging is not only do I get to reach out and touch someone, but my readers also get to reach out and touch me. Recently, one of my readers commented on how she struggles using the spam catchers you find on blogs after you leave a comment. She told me how difficult it is for her cognitively to navigate the spam catcher – so much so that she just can’t leave a comment. …
Even still
My view tonight is blanketed in a a solid, black background, while the water looks like polished glass. The city lights are bright and clear, with their reflections languidly bouncing across the surface of the water, projecting dancing hues of color all about. There is a deep stillness that is penetrating the night air – a reminder that most Tulsans are bedded down for the night. The frigid breeze reminds me that winter has yet to depart. While I sit, …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, chronic fatigue syndrome, Fibromyalgia, personal, still
15 Comments
Do YOU sigh a lot?
I have had several people ask about how I am doing. Thank you so much for asking and thinking of me! I am doing better. My body feels the best it has in a while and I am seeing increases in my energy levels. Mentally and emotionally I am still struggling.
I choose PACING
I was sitting here today, trying to decide which of all the coping mechanisms that I use regularly, have proven the most beneficial for me. It didn’t take me long to figure it out because for me, it is not only a necessity, but also enables me to do more with less. I am talking about pacing. I recently read an article that covered the controversy – at least in the world of medicine – of pacing versus Graded Exercise …
Telling MYSELF the truth
Today, I broke down crying. I had …just… had enough… of the pain. I know that I am in a rebound cycle because I am seeing improvement in my energy levels and the FMS pain levels – as long as I stay on top of taking the Phenocane - but having had a really bad crash, the Fibromyalgia kicked in, which then triggered an old military injury in my lower back, which of course then caused my neck to slip …
Removing my obstacles by leaning on my strengths
Can you hear that? Total and complete silence! Ahhhh…I can’t tell you how nice that is. I’m in my pjs and all tucked into bed with my laptop, my cup of tea – orange today – and a hot neck roll around my neck. I so need quiet tonight. I have been battling headaches on and off for the past week and today it is a doozy! Wow! I can’t take Tylenol or Aspirin or anything like that, so I …
I never agreed to this
As I sat here and watched the darkness descend, the fog raised up and met it halfway, leaving most of my view blanketed in a thin wispy veil of greyness. The mood for much of the day has been melancholy and dreary. Even the wildlife are quiet tonight. Today was a odd day. Since it is the beginning of the month, I had to pay all my bills, balance my checkbook, and order all my paper products, herbs and dog …
This is a crazy life
I wish you could smell the aroma in here! Wow. I went to Whole Foods tonight and got a little over a week’s worth of food because I am starting a 7-day detox tomorrow. All I am allowed to drink is water, black tea, and herbal tea. I didn’t have any, so I purchased 2: one mint and one orange. The orange tea is incredible. The aroma is unbelievable. It smells like I just sliced up a bag of fresh, …
The power of PERSPECTIVE
I am now on day 10 of this crash and I see small embers of hope and light! Despite that, I know I have to continue to take it very easy for the next week or two. I do not want a repeat of the past 10 days! This afternoon I was overcome with dizziness, balance problems, the shakes, blurred vision and I had this insatiable desire to get prone as soon as possible. I just felt bad. Anyway, I …
I am not alone…
Tonight the wind is whipping about outside, howling… alerting me to the wintry storm that is headed my way. Night has come and the wind keeps bumping up against my windows, reminding me of its presence. I cannot see my wonderful view tonight for mother nature has obscured it from my sight. Freezing rain clings to the window panels allowing me just a glimpse of what lays beyond the glass. The long lines of dripped, frozen rain, and the thousands …
On my terms…
I can’t remember the last time I cleaned my apartment, did laundry from start to finish, and accomplished all the other mundane things one does to keep things in their lives organized, in one day. I recall a time when I would get up at 5 a.m. to start my day. By 8 a.m. when the rest of the world was just getting up and engaging in their day, I had put in my run for the day, cleaned house …
The dreaded 10 day…
I wish you could have seen my view tonight. The sky was this incredible teal color as night was falling. Stunning! Unfortunately, today is the dreaded 10 day. Today is a horrible day. I have been sitting here for about 30 minutes trying to figure out if I could sit up long enough to write today’s post. I find if I hold my head to the side – it’s just too heavy today to hold straight up - and sit …
I dream of the day when people will say, “Oh!”
Forty blogs. Forty unique individuals. Forty stories. Forty lives severely impacted by CFIDS or FMS. Tonight, I read the stories of 40 CFIDS/FMS suffers from Australia to Ireland to Canada to America and everywhere in between. The struggles and the stories varied depending on the degree of severity and disability. But there was one thing theme that seemed to reverberate throughout the blogosphere.
A few of MY favorite things…
Today is my second week of this new adventure. Thank you so very much for coming along with me on this journey. 884 of you decided to do just that in these past two weeks. You have proved me wrong and my college professors right! I can’t even begin to tell you how much that blesses me! I have determined that I am in an extended crash – lingo for a severe relapse - but despite that my heart and …
Lessons learned
Thankfully when I awoke today, I knew it would be a better day. Despite that, I chose to take it really easy and to spend the day watching movies. For some reason I have had a yearning, as of late, to watch The Lord of the Rings trilogy again. So that is what I decided to do. Many people wonder how I have continued on this journey that I unwittingly found myself on. If I had been asked if I …
The benefits of social media and living with CFIDS/FMS
I just sat down with my hot cup of PG tips tea and snuck a peek out my window. The view tonight is incredibly beautiful. I have always been drawn to the city lights at night. There is something majestic about the quietness of the hour and the brilliance of all those lights. It’s as if, even in the darkest of hours, we are letting the cosmos know we are still here and thriving. I like that. There was a …
Fogged In…
A couple of days ago, I sat here watching the fog roll in. It waned in and out throughout the day and then returned with a vengeance at night. I was intrigued to see how at different times during that 24 hour period, the look and feel of the fog changed. There were times that is was so thick I could not see across the river. Yet, at other times, I could see slivers of the many buildings downtown, trying …
Easing the blows of CFIDS/FMS with laughter
I wanted to thank each and every person who visited my blog in its first week. You all made my first week amazing! I thought you might like to know that in the first week of this journey, I had 479 people visit my blog. You have exceeded even my wildest expectations! I am humbly thankful for each and every person who dropped by last week. Now on to today’s post…
It WILL come
My favorite time to write is when the sun goes down and the lights of the city come on. If there is a slight breeze, the lights will shimmer along the water, dispersing hues of blue, gold, and orange. The river becomes a large sheet of glass, displaying the dancing embers of the city lights. The dogs have stopped barking. There is no repetitive pounding emanating from my neighbors house as he plays endless hours of video games. The city …
FOUR life-lessons my PUGS taught ME
The view out my window is lovely today. The water looks blue (and that doesn’t happen all too often as the Arkansas river is muddy water!) and the sky has this woven pattern of pale blue and white ribbons. The snow is almost gone and the wildlife on the bird sanctuary in the middle of the river are fluttering about, busy with the days business. There’s even a lone individual trying to catch tonight’s dinner! On my window sill sits …
The Spoon Theory
I sit here in the early hours of the day, sipping a cup of my favorite tea from England - PG Tips – while Dekker lies comfortably snuggled up on my lap, quietly snoring away. As I look out the window of my view, fog has blanketed our fair city. Although night has given rise to morning, morning has found herself cloaked in a heavy, gray blanket that has wrapped itself around her. Lights peek through the haze, alerting me …
To be (in pain) or not to be
Well…today is a better day. I am always thankful for those “new mercies” when they arrive. As I sit here looking out beyond my 4Walls at my incredible view, I am thankful that even when I am unable to spend much time outside, I have a beautiful view to look at and keep me company. Yesterday, I read through all my journals since 1992. I have been writing in some form or fashion for as long as I can remember …
Launching Date SET!
Okay. So you are probably wondering where are the new posts, right? Well, I have been slowly transferring my website from Blogger to WordPress with the help of my good friend, Larry. I am almost done with the “tweaking” but have a couple more things to do before I feel like this will be ready to launch. However, the good news is…
4Walls and A View
The purpose of this blog is to share, as transparently as possible, the real challenges of living with Chronic Fatigue & Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) and Fibromyalgia (FMS). Sometimes it may not be pretty, but then these illnesses never are. Other times, it will reveal how I overcome the daily obstacles I incur, or what I choose to do with a ‘good day’. In addition…
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