Translator
IN MEMORY
What I’m Listening 2
Tag Archives: journey
From Empty to Full
I wanted to share something I have been going through with my readers. This may in fact be more of a woman thing but I think it really is applicable to my whole readership. I have been in a bad head and emotional space these last few months. Totally understandable with Dekker’s one year anniversary (death), my father’s sudden heart-attack and quadruple bypass, the birth of my grandson, a betrayal by someone I considered a friend and the severe relapse …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, consequences, Fibromyalgia, FMS, friend, grief, health, hope, journey, life lessons, loss, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, pugs, Purpose, winning
11 Comments
Jan 2012 ME Story: Kassy
I don’t know if you have ever woke up in the middle of the night in one of those, “Oh my gosh moments?” Well, I did last night. I was thinking about what I would say in this post before I went to bed and then woke up in the middle of the night realizing that today’s ME Story which is shared by my friend, Kassy, is our 12th story on Becoming Visible 4ME which means … We have now …
Simplicity, 3 Words, and 2012
I was catching up on my blog reading, when I came across Tamara’s new post at Empty Thoughts, Rewritten, and it caught my attention. The reason it caught my attention is because I have been thinking about words that keep rising up within me that reflect where my heart and soul for 2012 is, especially after my two-part series called, My 12 Changes to Living Better with ME: Part 1 of 2 and My 12 Changes to Living Better with …
My 12 Changes to Living Better with ME: Part 2 of 2
If you missed the beginning of this two part series, you can catch up with part one HERE. Today, I am going to share changes 7-12 with you. 7. Change Place: As I mentioned in part one, so often when I am in the midst of a wonderful event, spectactular moment or memorable time, I am often only their in body but not spirit and soul. This is probably one of my most challenging changes because I am so annalytical. …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, consequences, Fibromyalgia, FMS, health, hope, journey, life lessons, loss, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), Purpose
8 Comments
My 12 Changes to Living Better with ME: Part 1 of 2
New Years. Two simple words. Yet, these two little words bring excitement, freshness, visions, possibilities and more to my heart and soul ever time they roll around. Most of the time, almost innately, goals start popping up in my head and I feel my blood pumping as the electricity of newness surges through my body. While goals can be a good and necessary thing, when one is living with a chronic illness such as myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) and Fibromyalgia (FMS), …
If I let myself admit it, I …
I have been thinking about what direction my blog will take in 2012. To be honest, when I originally launched 4Walls and AView 2 years ago, I only intended to do it for 2years because I thought there would be no, or little, interest. Guess I got that wrong since I now have over 70,000 hits and 250 readers, huh?! Thanks to my wonderful readers and thier interaction and interest in my blog I will obviously keep writing! So, that …
Learning to LIVE like a DOG
As I sit here in the early morning hours, I am transfixed by the haphazard sprinkle of lights against the black canvas of night. Silence permeats the cloak of darkness, and yet, there is this innate knowing that city life is slowly awakening to brewing pots of coffee and tea, and that a new day will soon be in full force. The melancholiness of the hour mimicks my heart as I realize that today is the one year anniversary of …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, friend, grief, hope, journey, life lessons, loss, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, pugs
18 Comments
Navigating a Week full of a Myriad of Emotions.
I often find that life offers me many opportunities to become a better me, if you will. This week is no exception. With the news that has been slowly trickling out about WPI (the Whittemore Peterson Institute who researches neuroimmune illnesses) and Judy (a major player in ME research), this week did not start on the best foot. Then the news came of two deaths within the ME Community and for me that has just had me grieving all over …
WPI: Another Blow for the ME Community
I was greeted this morning with news that completely blindsided me and I was guessing many of my readers had not heard the news either so I am going to share with you all here. According to Dr. Jamie Deckoff-Jones, there is breaking news about WPI (Whittemore Peterson Institute in Nevada). Here is what she had to say on her blog. Breaking news. The entire WPI research program has been closed by the institute’s CEO, and the facility is now locked …
Can Food Heal MY BRAIN?
I was recently reading Baffled’s blog, Infinite Daze, (great blog to check out if you haven’t already) and she had posted a video. I decided to watch it in full (or more accurately listen to it) and by the end, I was jumping up and down with excitement! I just had to share it here and tell you why I am excited. Dr. Terry Wahl was diagnosed with MS (which we know is similar in how it operates in the …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Food, Healing, health, journey, ME, medicine, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), symptom, Terry Wahl, winning
21 Comments
MY Rebirth: Choosing MY Own Color Palette
I have been repeatedly asked what has caused the transformation in me that people seem to be noticing when they see me in person and even my good friend, Toni, asked me in an email recently about the change she noted in my birthday photos. So, I thought I’d share the broad brush strokes here. Toni responded to my explanation that I had been reborn. I think that really is what happened. The relapse was so severe and so all …
Mad as Hell and Broken Hearted for Jenny
Thank you Lillie for reminding me that not all my readers know who Simon Wesley is. He is a UK (England) based psychiatrist who believes ME and CFS are not real organic illness but illness that are psychological and social in nature. Essentially, we are sick because we say we are sick. He is a huge proponent of CBT and GET which have been shown not to work in most people with ME and actually has caused many patients to …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, health, Jenny, JK Rowbory, journey, life lessons, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal
11 Comments
Allowing Illness to shape me into a better person
I was sitting on the rooftop deck this week (it would be the 11th floor) as it has become my favorite place to write … and if you can believe it … dance. Anyway, I was sitting there looking out over this expansive view and thinking about a time where everything before me would have been a barren wasteland – something called the dustbowl. Yet, as I looked out over the vast city I love I saw business thriving, beautiful …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "Invisible Awareness", consequences, Fibromyalgia, FMS, friend, health, hope, journey, life lessons, ME, mold, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, Purpose, relapse, winning, write
14 Comments
In TOMORROW, there is always the PROMISE of POSSIBILITY
I recently was having a conversation with a friend of mine online who also has ME about what I had learned, if anything these past eight months of being bed, house and wheelchair bound. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. The absolute delight and joy that invades me when I step out into the sunshine is indescribable. I feel the warmth of the sun kissing my skin, embracing me in it’s warmth and I start to tear up with …
PUSHING is NO Longer an Option. Take ALTERNATIVE Route!
For years, I have been told to push and collapse. To be honest, I had never heard of pacing until I started writing about my 4Walls and AView. Pacing was never a concept that was ever put before me. So I have spent every day since December 1992 pushing and collapsing and being applauded by doctors, specialists, professionals, etc. What I understand today, however, is that there comes a time in this illness when pushing is no longer an option …
Waiting for … Creativity
When I was in college (TCC) I had one play that just drove me crazy. I just could not make a connection with it. And of course, wouldn’t you know, I end up being cast in the play several years later! I, eventually, ended up coming to a place where I appreciated Samuel Beckett’s, Waiting for Godot, but it took my having to create a character for my acting role in order for me to get there. A few weeks …
A Little Sugar …
What is that old saying? A little sugar helps the medicine go down. Do you remember that saying? Well, I thought I would post something as far away as possible to chronic illness, relapses, crashes, pain, eye, head, vocal chords, muscles, isolation, M.E. grief, lost … all of it. I recieved the above photo from my daughter and the above phrase popped into my brain. I smiled and thought, A little sugar … hmmmm … Can you believe she …
Posted in Family
Tagged 4 walls and a view, family, hope, journey, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), photography, the little things
7 Comments
A Battle of Wills
So often people see only what they want to see. Other times, they see only what I allow them to see. It is those times when anger, darkness, frustration, and a sense of fuitility overtake me, that I desperately try to hide from the world. It is not a face that I want to put forward. Yet, I think to not show that face occassionaly would be a grave misjustice to myself, those who are sick like I am (especially …
Finding Solace from the Constant ME Onslaught
My week literally fell apart and I broke. I am noticing so many of us are enduring great challenges with our illness and bodies. Many of us are struggling with enduring. I, too, have been struggling. While I want to share where I am today with you, please don’t hear me ‘preaching’ at you. I just wanted to share what is helping me to hang on, to move forward, and to stay determined. For me, this week, I had a …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "myalgic Encephalomyelitis", 4 walls and a view, bad day, broken, cognitive, Dekker, facebook, journey, Kathi Wilson, ME, perspective, solace, Weary
9 Comments
There is another side of, A Letter From a ME Survivor to Everyone Else.
I had planned to segue into something different today, but the response to my letter was so huge that it just doesn’t feel right to move on yet. First, I want to thank each and every person who took the time to comment and share their perspective and stories on my letter (Tuesday Post). I found myself being taken through a gamut of emotions while reading all of your comments – from understanding, to crying, to embracing, and even to …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "myalgic Encephalomyelitis", 4 walls and a view, fatigue, journey, life lessons, ME, perspective, write
33 Comments
Running Against me and me … and ME
I’ve have been spending a lot of time looking out my window at my view as of late. So much so that there have been moments when I find my mind wandering to days long ago: days of a physical ease that I desperately long for. As I allowed my mind to wander through the halls of my memories, I smiled as I watched myself putting on a pair of running shoes and heading out for one of my long …
The Hour Glass Paradox
Have you ever played Boggle; the word game in which you create as many words as you can as your race against the flowing sand of the hour glass? You pick up your pencil, and place that clean, empty page before you, all the while steadying your nerves for the race against time that is about to ensue. Someone turns the hour glass over, and with a deliberate, measured pace, you start creating as many words as possible. You try …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "myalgic Encephalomyelitis", 4 walls and a view, crash, energy, fatigue, health, hour glass, journey, ME, paradox, symptom
11 Comments
Mr. Winter and Ms. Spring
For the past few weeks, the weather here in Tulsa, Oklahoma, has been volleying back and forth between the 20’s and the 40’s. But yesterday, as well as today, we were suddenly greeted with a wonderful spike in warmth as we have watched the temperatures climb to the low to mid 70’s. Tomorrow, we return to the normal pattern of our weather volleying between the 20’s to the 40’s – with a little possible snow thrown in the mix. This …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, FMS, journey, life lessons, Mr. Winter, Ms. Spring, personal, perspective, relapse, symptom
18 Comments
CHANGING the DANCE w/the Beast within ME
One of the things I have discovered throughout my life, and especially living with a chronic illness, is that life isn’t fair and it usually comes with a myriad of unexpected circumstances. Most of which require me to do one of two things: adjust and grow or complain and stay stuck. I’m am once again finding myself in a new place in this journey with ME/CFS. It is a very odd place to be and yet I have this amazing …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, crash, FMS, health, journey, life lessons, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, relapse
33 Comments
Changing MY Expectations of the word DEFEND
As many of you have probably noted, I have been struggling this past week. To be honest, I think my eye issue derailed me and I have been wandering around in the wilderness. You might think that is a bad thing, but for me, it really isn’t as it provides me the space I need to think, to pray, to analyze, and to contemplate deeply. Sometimes it affords me the breathing room I need to just let go and do …
a Triple Cord is NOT easily broken
This past Monday was a turning point for 4Walls and AView. It documented the one year mark since I launched this blog. As I look back at all that I have written this past year, as well as the comments and what has transpired as a result of the birthing of 4Walls and AView, I am deeply moved and humbled. When I originally decided to stop blogging about politics due to a decline in my health and my cognitive abilities, …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, aniversary, Dekker, FMS, health, hope, journey, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), perspective, strength, triple cord
25 Comments
Stand Firm
Grief is a funny thing… These past 3+ weeks since Dekker’s death have been a rollercoaster of emotions. These past few days have found me wanting to move past the grief, and yet, unable to. As I recently told a friend, it felt as if I was stuck in my life and nothing I tried helped me move forward. That is a very hopeless feeling. Several days ago, my friend, Cusp, sent me a note on Facebook telling me about …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, grief, journey, life lessons, loss, personal, perspective, pugs
20 Comments
THIS is THAT truth
I find myself straddling a fence, one foot tentatively thrown over towards 2011, while the other is steadfastly anchored in 2010. As my spirit tries to lead me forward into a new year and a new day, my heart struggles to come to terms with letting go of the many things I lost throughout this past year. As I look out the window of my 4Walls and AView, I find myself reviewing 2010. Past years would find me looking for …
going LIMP
I am in my first, full-blown crash of this winter. And it is a pretty good one at that. Other than taking Dekker out to go potty (I really should find someone I can pay to take him out for crash times) and trying to eat regular (hard to do when you are wiped out), I am pretty much in bed. I guess you could say, I am going limp. For those of you who are scratching your head, wondering …
The merry-go-ride
Have you ever found yourself saying, I just can’t do this anymore? I don’t want to do this anymore? I’m at that place today. I sit here and wonder how will I get up tomorrow and do this, yet, again? I am mentally, physically and emotionally drained. I’m spent. For twenty long years I have fought. I have hoped. I have believed. But today, I’m empty. I know not where my hope comes from outside of God today. I feel …
the GRATEFUL List
As I stood in the middle of my apartment, turning slowly, my eyes fell upon the unique attributes of my new space: the cut out writing nook, the granite breakfast bar, the stainless steel appliances, the stained concrete floor and the multi-painted walls with the floor to ceiling windows. There was much beauty and luxuriousness here, but all I was able to see was empty walls, empty floors, and empty cabinets. The emptiness echoed back to me as a constant …
this place called, middle
When I grew up, I was always told to push through whatever difficulty I was going through. I have watched for years, as my mother got up every day, no matter how bad she felt, and did everything that was required of her…and then some. In the military I was taught to focus and just do it. There was very little thought. It was more of an instinctive reaction – one that was honed through hours and hours of training …
letting GO of … TOMORROW
As I have often stated here, I am really struggling with being overwhelmed. Almost on a daily basis. I keep telling myself, Who wouldn’t be overwhelmed with rebuilding their life, learning to live with RADs (Reactive Airway Disease) and a brain injury, on top of having ME/CFS and FMS. I mean really… But then this little voice inside of me asks, What if I’m making things harder on myself by something I’m doing … or not doing? To be honest, …
SUCCESS and VALUE on MY terms
I attended my first Bible Study on-line today and I have to say I was quite surprised at how insightful and enjoyable it was. As I sat contemplating what we had discussed during our study today, I found myself wondering about value – mine to be exact – in correlation to being chronically ill. As someone who has struggled with ME/CFS and FMS for over 20 years now, and recently developed Celiac Disease and RADs (Reactive Airway Disease), I often …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, accomplishments, journey, personal, perspective, Purpose, value
28 Comments
Working on RESPONDING versus REACTING
I made a decision recently that I was going to work on developing a more tempered response to stressful situations that pop up in my life. Basically, I am trying to learn to respond rather than react when stressful situations arise. Well, you probably know all too well what that means, right? I got bombarded with one crazy fiasco after another! I actually recall on Monday thinking, I was exhausted just from dealing with the issues that kept popping up. …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Acer laptop, Dell laptop, journey, life lessons, perspective, reacting, responding, stress
11 Comments
Some things that are just not quite right
I haven’t spent a lot of time sharing with you all my progress physically since the poisoning in July. I have spent the last 3+ months detoxing and I actually think that has done wonders. Many of the symptoms have abated at the very least, and disappeared at the very best. However, now that I am in my own space and able to try to build a new schedule, if you will, I am noticing some things that are just …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, cognitive, finish the race, health, hope, journey, personal, symptom, winning
20 Comments
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