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IN MEMORY
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Tag Archives: journey
Mr. Winter and Ms. Spring
For the past few weeks, the weather here in Tulsa, Oklahoma, has been volleying back and forth between the 20’s and the 40’s. But yesterday, as well as today, we were suddenly greeted with a wonderful spike in warmth as we have watched the temperatures climb to the low to mid 70’s. Tomorrow, we return to the normal pattern of our weather volleying between the 20’s to the 40’s – with a little possible snow thrown in the mix. This …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, FMS, journey, life lessons, Mr. Winter, Ms. Spring, personal, perspective, relapse, symptom
18 Comments
CHANGING the DANCE w/the Beast within ME
One of the things I have discovered throughout my life, and especially living with a chronic illness, is that life isn’t fair and it usually comes with a myriad of unexpected circumstances. Most of which require me to do one of two things: adjust and grow or complain and stay stuck. I’m am once again finding myself in a new place in this journey with ME/CFS. It is a very odd place to be and yet I have this amazing …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, crash, FMS, health, journey, life lessons, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, relapse
33 Comments
Changing MY Expectations of the word DEFEND
As many of you have probably noted, I have been struggling this past week. To be honest, I think my eye issue derailed me and I have been wandering around in the wilderness. You might think that is a bad thing, but for me, it really isn’t as it provides me the space I need to think, to pray, to analyze, and to contemplate deeply. Sometimes it affords me the breathing room I need to just let go and do …
a Triple Cord is NOT easily broken
This past Monday was a turning point for 4Walls and AView. It documented the one year mark since I launched this blog. As I look back at all that I have written this past year, as well as the comments and what has transpired as a result of the birthing of 4Walls and AView, I am deeply moved and humbled. When I originally decided to stop blogging about politics due to a decline in my health and my cognitive abilities, …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, aniversary, Dekker, FMS, health, hope, journey, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), perspective, strength, triple cord
25 Comments
Stand Firm
Grief is a funny thing… These past 3+ weeks since Dekker’s death have been a rollercoaster of emotions. These past few days have found me wanting to move past the grief, and yet, unable to. As I recently told a friend, it felt as if I was stuck in my life and nothing I tried helped me move forward. That is a very hopeless feeling. Several days ago, my friend, Cusp, sent me a note on Facebook telling me about …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, grief, journey, life lessons, loss, personal, perspective, pugs
20 Comments
THIS is THAT truth
I find myself straddling a fence, one foot tentatively thrown over towards 2011, while the other is steadfastly anchored in 2010. As my spirit tries to lead me forward into a new year and a new day, my heart struggles to come to terms with letting go of the many things I lost throughout this past year. As I look out the window of my 4Walls and AView, I find myself reviewing 2010. Past years would find me looking for …
going LIMP
I am in my first, full-blown crash of this winter. And it is a pretty good one at that. Other than taking Dekker out to go potty (I really should find someone I can pay to take him out for crash times) and trying to eat regular (hard to do when you are wiped out), I am pretty much in bed. I guess you could say, I am going limp. For those of you who are scratching your head, wondering …
The merry-go-ride
Have you ever found yourself saying, I just can’t do this anymore? I don’t want to do this anymore? I’m at that place today. I sit here and wonder how will I get up tomorrow and do this, yet, again? I am mentally, physically and emotionally drained. I’m spent. For twenty long years I have fought. I have hoped. I have believed. But today, I’m empty. I know not where my hope comes from outside of God today. I feel …
the GRATEFUL List
As I stood in the middle of my apartment, turning slowly, my eyes fell upon the unique attributes of my new space: the cut out writing nook, the granite breakfast bar, the stainless steel appliances, the stained concrete floor and the multi-painted walls with the floor to ceiling windows. There was much beauty and luxuriousness here, but all I was able to see was empty walls, empty floors, and empty cabinets. The emptiness echoed back to me as a constant …
this place called, middle
When I grew up, I was always told to push through whatever difficulty I was going through. I have watched for years, as my mother got up every day, no matter how bad she felt, and did everything that was required of her…and then some. In the military I was taught to focus and just do it. There was very little thought. It was more of an instinctive reaction – one that was honed through hours and hours of training …
letting GO of … TOMORROW
As I have often stated here, I am really struggling with being overwhelmed. Almost on a daily basis. I keep telling myself, Who wouldn’t be overwhelmed with rebuilding their life, learning to live with RADs (Reactive Airway Disease) and a brain injury, on top of having ME/CFS and FMS. I mean really… But then this little voice inside of me asks, What if I’m making things harder on myself by something I’m doing … or not doing? To be honest, …
SUCCESS and VALUE on MY terms
I attended my first Bible Study on-line today and I have to say I was quite surprised at how insightful and enjoyable it was. As I sat contemplating what we had discussed during our study today, I found myself wondering about value – mine to be exact – in correlation to being chronically ill. As someone who has struggled with ME/CFS and FMS for over 20 years now, and recently developed Celiac Disease and RADs (Reactive Airway Disease), I often …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, accomplishments, journey, personal, perspective, Purpose, value
28 Comments
Working on RESPONDING versus REACTING
I made a decision recently that I was going to work on developing a more tempered response to stressful situations that pop up in my life. Basically, I am trying to learn to respond rather than react when stressful situations arise. Well, you probably know all too well what that means, right? I got bombarded with one crazy fiasco after another! I actually recall on Monday thinking, I was exhausted just from dealing with the issues that kept popping up. …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Acer laptop, Dell laptop, journey, life lessons, perspective, reacting, responding, stress
11 Comments
Some things that are just not quite right
I haven’t spent a lot of time sharing with you all my progress physically since the poisoning in July. I have spent the last 3+ months detoxing and I actually think that has done wonders. Many of the symptoms have abated at the very least, and disappeared at the very best. However, now that I am in my own space and able to try to build a new schedule, if you will, I am noticing some things that are just …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, cognitive, finish the race, health, hope, journey, personal, symptom, winning
20 Comments
ONLINE OPEN HOUSE WEEKEND/SUNDAY!
Well, now on to the second day of my ONLINE HOUSE WARMING PARTY! Woo Hoo! I tried and tried to upload the videos I did but to no avail. WordPress apparently does not like my Blackberry security and so the uploads would fail every time. It would have been so cool if it had worked because I was able to add a voice over and even a little intro with me on it. But not to be … at …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, journey, photography, pugs, Tulsa, winning
21 Comments
ONLINE OPEN HOUSE WEEKEND/SATURDAY!
Well, the day has finally arrived. There were times, I thought it never would! I apologize for the lateness of my getting this up this morning but I suffered through another day of migraines yesterday and ended up going to bed at 8pm. A few months ago upnorth suggested that perhaps I could do some videos and upload them for the party. I have been working on that and am hoping that I will be able to post a few, …
Determined like Dekker
Losing my home and all my possessions wasn’t just hard on me. There is a black, furry, little guy that has really had a hard time adjusting. Dekker didn’t know what to make of the elevators when we first moved in. I actually can’t imagine…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, determination, journey, life lessons, photographs, pugs
8 Comments
What if?
My thoughts today are not directed at anybody but myself. Having said that, I have been browsing the web, reading the 40+ blogs I read almost everyday and this thought just kept coming to me over and over. The more I mulled on it, the more I realized that perhaps this was a problem I needed to look at for a myriad of reasons. Often times, I struggle trying to get those who do not suffer from ME/CFS, or similar …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "what if", 4 walls and a view, bad day, crash, family, FMS, friend, journey, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective
16 Comments
The Long Road Home – Part Four
Well, there is always an end to every story and this one has a beautiful ending! The first two days I was here, I really struggled with all the loss, however, once I acknowledged the loss and came to terms with it, I was finally able to move forward. And did I ever! I have to say, I already love it here. The view withstanding, the office people and maintenance people are unbelievably nice! Today…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, architecture, asthma, Dekker, journey, loss, Oklahoma, photography, Tulsa, view, winning
26 Comments
The Long Road Home – Part Three
Well, the last part of my story isn’t quite as fun as the first two. As a matter of fact, it was a very challenging and emotional part of the journey for me. I think – now that I have the ability to look back at what transpired – I was…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "Fibromyalgia Awareness Day", 4 walls and a view, asthma, Dekker, Fibromyalgia, friend, journey, pain, stress, wedding
16 Comments
The Long Road Home – Part two
Well, as you know, I flew out to Massachusetts. That is something I will never do in the future again! I had breathing problems on both flights and had to use my emergency inhaler like it was oxygen! I cannot tell you how awful it feels to be…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, asthma, family, fatigue, Fibromyalgia, grand-daugher, journey, pain, photography, wedding
18 Comments
Dreams Become Reality One Choice at a Time
Time is quickly winding down and I find myself faced with only two more days before I will be heading to the airport to head to Massachusetts for my daughter’s wedding! Thus today was quite a busy day! I had a friend from church ask for my help in purchasing a new laptop and the budget was $400. So off we went to Tulsa and we ended up getting a new printer, laptop, plenty of ink, a laptop bag, and …
Next Chaper – Jewelry by Jolene
Jolene has no idea that I have chosen to name her jewelry. For me, it is symbolic of the New Chapter I am beginning – or will be beginning – on October 1st with my new home. You see, I met Jolene of Graceful Agony around January/February of this year. A few days later, I entered a contest she was having on her blog for some jewelry that she would design and make. I never dreamed that I would win…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, friend, journey, life lessons, wedding
18 Comments
Book Review: What Difference do it make?
After my review of, Same Kind of Different as Me, I was contacted by Thomas Nelson to see if I might be interested in reading the follow-up book, What Difference do it make?. If you read my review, you know that…
FIRST EVER ONLINE HOUSE-WARMING PARTY!
As I sit here writing my Saturday post – a little late mind you – I have so much on my mind that I am a little overwhelmed today. In just 8 days I will be packing up my two new pieces of luggage for my trip back East for my daughter’s wedding! Time is suddenly flying past me, it seems, and I feel like I am teetering a bit! When I return…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 'Online House Warming Party!", 4 walls and a view, asthma, fatigue, journey, symptom, wedding
8 Comments
This journey WE call LIFE
Change is in the air. I can now feel it and I am now embracing it! I’ve been contemplating this journey I have been on for the past 5 or so weeks, these last few days. I don’t know if I have done everything right, but I know that I have done my best. I also know there were moments in which I struggled to come to terms with all the loss, the changes, and the dislocation, and yet, I …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "new home", 4 walls and a view, asthma, hope, journey, life lessons, mold, perspective, write
20 Comments
The Web: A POWERFUL & POSITIVE impact on CFIDS/ME
I’m a thinker – if you hadn’t noticed – and today, I have been contemplating a myriad of things. I can’t seem to really focus on one thing as I have so many things going on at the same time. This period of my life is little too busy for me. I like the calm, quiet, peaceful existence. Be that as it may, I started wandering over…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4Walls and A View, chronic fatigue syndrome, Fibromyalgia, internet, journey, power, web
17 Comments
Seeking FAMILIARITY and CONNECTION
I have never really given a lot of thought to the many things in my life that I am connected to that create a space of comfort, normalcy, and grounding for me until I recently lost all my possessions. Lately, however…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, asthma, friend, health, journey, life lessons
16 Comments
Faith, Hope and Anticipation
You know something? Today was a good day. Interesting as it was laced with several asthma attacks. The first was a result of losing our air conditioner when we lost our electric. Amazingly, it didn’t take more than 20 minutes or so before I was having the ‘asthma cough’ as I call it. My friend asked me if I was okay and if I was having problems with the asthma. I responded that I didn’t know because this is kind …
TWENTY things I REFUSE to DO
As I have been doing my best to meet each and every challenge these past few weeks head on, with integrity and grace, I realized that this really comes down, for me at least, to what I will and won’t do.
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "I REFUSE", 4 walls and a view, chronic fatigue syndrome, journey
24 Comments
determining MY course
By most people’s standards, I should be ripping mad. And maybe I should be. But something deep inside me tells me that the only person that will get hurt through my anger at the apartment complex and the management company, is me. I have chosen, instead, to forgive them and move on. After a three day hospitalization, the VA discovered that my lungs are permanently damaged. I am now on three (3) inhalers as well as a completely new medication. …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, asthma, chronic fatigue syndrome, course, determining, health, journey, life lessons, mold
29 Comments
Lessons learned
Thankfully when I awoke today, I knew it would be a better day. Despite that, I chose to take it really easy and to spend the day watching movies. For some reason I have had a yearning, as of late, to watch The Lord of the Rings trilogy again. So that is what I decided to do. Many people wonder how I have continued on this journey that I unwittingly found myself on. If I had been asked if I …
4Walls and A View
The purpose of this blog is to share, as transparently as possible, the real challenges of living with Chronic Fatigue & Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) and Fibromyalgia (FMS). Sometimes it may not be pretty, but then these illnesses never are. Other times, it will reveal how I overcome the daily obstacles I incur, or what I choose to do with a ‘good day’. In addition…
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