Translator
IN MEMORY
What I’m Listening 2
Tag Archives: life lessons
From Empty to Full
I wanted to share something I have been going through with my readers. This may in fact be more of a woman thing but I think it really is applicable to my whole readership. I have been in a bad head and emotional space these last few months. Totally understandable with Dekker’s one year anniversary (death), my father’s sudden heart-attack and quadruple bypass, the birth of my grandson, a betrayal by someone I considered a friend and the severe relapse …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, consequences, Fibromyalgia, FMS, friend, grief, health, hope, journey, life lessons, loss, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, pugs, Purpose, winning
11 Comments
Jan 2012 ME Story: Kassy
I don’t know if you have ever woke up in the middle of the night in one of those, “Oh my gosh moments?” Well, I did last night. I was thinking about what I would say in this post before I went to bed and then woke up in the middle of the night realizing that today’s ME Story which is shared by my friend, Kassy, is our 12th story on Becoming Visible 4ME which means … We have now …
Simplicity, 3 Words, and 2012
I was catching up on my blog reading, when I came across Tamara’s new post at Empty Thoughts, Rewritten, and it caught my attention. The reason it caught my attention is because I have been thinking about words that keep rising up within me that reflect where my heart and soul for 2012 is, especially after my two-part series called, My 12 Changes to Living Better with ME: Part 1 of 2 and My 12 Changes to Living Better with …
My 12 Changes to Living Better with ME: Part 2 of 2
If you missed the beginning of this two part series, you can catch up with part one HERE. Today, I am going to share changes 7-12 with you. 7. Change Place: As I mentioned in part one, so often when I am in the midst of a wonderful event, spectactular moment or memorable time, I am often only their in body but not spirit and soul. This is probably one of my most challenging changes because I am so annalytical. …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, consequences, Fibromyalgia, FMS, health, hope, journey, life lessons, loss, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), Purpose
8 Comments
My 12 Changes to Living Better with ME: Part 1 of 2
New Years. Two simple words. Yet, these two little words bring excitement, freshness, visions, possibilities and more to my heart and soul ever time they roll around. Most of the time, almost innately, goals start popping up in my head and I feel my blood pumping as the electricity of newness surges through my body. While goals can be a good and necessary thing, when one is living with a chronic illness such as myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) and Fibromyalgia (FMS), …
If I let myself admit it, I …
I have been thinking about what direction my blog will take in 2012. To be honest, when I originally launched 4Walls and AView 2 years ago, I only intended to do it for 2years because I thought there would be no, or little, interest. Guess I got that wrong since I now have over 70,000 hits and 250 readers, huh?! Thanks to my wonderful readers and thier interaction and interest in my blog I will obviously keep writing! So, that …
Learning to LIVE like a DOG
As I sit here in the early morning hours, I am transfixed by the haphazard sprinkle of lights against the black canvas of night. Silence permeats the cloak of darkness, and yet, there is this innate knowing that city life is slowly awakening to brewing pots of coffee and tea, and that a new day will soon be in full force. The melancholiness of the hour mimicks my heart as I realize that today is the one year anniversary of …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, friend, grief, hope, journey, life lessons, loss, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, pugs
18 Comments
Dec 2011 ME Story: Cusp
I have had the joy and fun of getting to know a woman on Facebook this past year or so. She has to be the most unique, creative and interesting person I have had the pleasure to friend in a long time. God only made one Cusp and she is amazing. Her ME story touched me deeply because unlike many of our stories, her story starts in her childhood. I hate this illness for adults but the devastating impact it …
Navigating a Week full of a Myriad of Emotions.
I often find that life offers me many opportunities to become a better me, if you will. This week is no exception. With the news that has been slowly trickling out about WPI (the Whittemore Peterson Institute who researches neuroimmune illnesses) and Judy (a major player in ME research), this week did not start on the best foot. Then the news came of two deaths within the ME Community and for me that has just had me grieving all over …
MY Rebirth: Choosing MY Own Color Palette
I have been repeatedly asked what has caused the transformation in me that people seem to be noticing when they see me in person and even my good friend, Toni, asked me in an email recently about the change she noted in my birthday photos. So, I thought I’d share the broad brush strokes here. Toni responded to my explanation that I had been reborn. I think that really is what happened. The relapse was so severe and so all …
Mad as Hell and Broken Hearted for Jenny
Thank you Lillie for reminding me that not all my readers know who Simon Wesley is. He is a UK (England) based psychiatrist who believes ME and CFS are not real organic illness but illness that are psychological and social in nature. Essentially, we are sick because we say we are sick. He is a huge proponent of CBT and GET which have been shown not to work in most people with ME and actually has caused many patients to …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, health, Jenny, JK Rowbory, journey, life lessons, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal
11 Comments
Allowing Illness to shape me into a better person
I was sitting on the rooftop deck this week (it would be the 11th floor) as it has become my favorite place to write … and if you can believe it … dance. Anyway, I was sitting there looking out over this expansive view and thinking about a time where everything before me would have been a barren wasteland – something called the dustbowl. Yet, as I looked out over the vast city I love I saw business thriving, beautiful …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "Invisible Awareness", consequences, Fibromyalgia, FMS, friend, health, hope, journey, life lessons, ME, mold, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, Purpose, relapse, winning, write
14 Comments
What Would YOU take?
My friend Mo recently asked a question that really hit home with me on her blog, Mo is Blogging … I think. I decided to ask it here for two reasons. I was curious how my readers might responsd and I was curious if what we would want to take as those living with ME might be different than those who are not ill. This whole subject was started Foster Hunnington. Here is a little about his blog and this …
In TOMORROW, there is always the PROMISE of POSSIBILITY
I recently was having a conversation with a friend of mine online who also has ME about what I had learned, if anything these past eight months of being bed, house and wheelchair bound. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. The absolute delight and joy that invades me when I step out into the sunshine is indescribable. I feel the warmth of the sun kissing my skin, embracing me in it’s warmth and I start to tear up with …
PUSHING is NO Longer an Option. Take ALTERNATIVE Route!
For years, I have been told to push and collapse. To be honest, I had never heard of pacing until I started writing about my 4Walls and AView. Pacing was never a concept that was ever put before me. So I have spent every day since December 1992 pushing and collapsing and being applauded by doctors, specialists, professionals, etc. What I understand today, however, is that there comes a time in this illness when pushing is no longer an option …
Defining Progress in Severe ME: Part 2: Living in Black and White
If you had asked me a year ago, ten years ago, or even two decades ago if I ever thought that Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.) would cause me to flee into the dark, I would have responded with a resounding, “No.” Today, I know that I would have been wrong … very wrong. Since January of 2011 I have been adapting to a life void of color. It is one that has now become eerily reminiscent to my beloved hobby: black …
Waiting for … Creativity
When I was in college (TCC) I had one play that just drove me crazy. I just could not make a connection with it. And of course, wouldn’t you know, I end up being cast in the play several years later! I, eventually, ended up coming to a place where I appreciated Samuel Beckett’s, Waiting for Godot, but it took my having to create a character for my acting role in order for me to get there. A few weeks …
The Gift ME gave me
As many of my readers know, I have a set of core beliefs, convictions that have undergirded me in my journey with ME. Without them, I am not sure that I would have survived ME for these past two decades. One of those core beliefs is that I have been put on this earth for a reason and for a purpose. I am not here by happenstance, by coincidence, or by accident. I have been brought into this world with …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "myalgic Encephalomyelitis", 4 walls and a view, eyes, gift, life lessons, ME, personal, perspective, vocal chords
18 Comments
There is another side of, A Letter From a ME Survivor to Everyone Else.
I had planned to segue into something different today, but the response to my letter was so huge that it just doesn’t feel right to move on yet. First, I want to thank each and every person who took the time to comment and share their perspective and stories on my letter (Tuesday Post). I found myself being taken through a gamut of emotions while reading all of your comments – from understanding, to crying, to embracing, and even to …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "myalgic Encephalomyelitis", 4 walls and a view, fatigue, journey, life lessons, ME, perspective, write
33 Comments
I Have … Hope
Life isn’t Static. Fixed. Determined. It’s flowing. Changing. Evolving. There is always the room for Possibility. Expectancy. Anticipation. Even in as severe a relapse as I now find myself in, there is a power within me that lies in wait because change is always, Possible. Probable. Imminent. I just have to learn to be patient; more patient than this thing that now resides within me called ME. ME is like a ticking Bomb. Waiting. Watching. Lurking in the background. Always …
Mr. Winter and Ms. Spring
For the past few weeks, the weather here in Tulsa, Oklahoma, has been volleying back and forth between the 20’s and the 40’s. But yesterday, as well as today, we were suddenly greeted with a wonderful spike in warmth as we have watched the temperatures climb to the low to mid 70’s. Tomorrow, we return to the normal pattern of our weather volleying between the 20’s to the 40’s – with a little possible snow thrown in the mix. This …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, FMS, journey, life lessons, Mr. Winter, Ms. Spring, personal, perspective, relapse, symptom
18 Comments
CHANGING the DANCE w/the Beast within ME
One of the things I have discovered throughout my life, and especially living with a chronic illness, is that life isn’t fair and it usually comes with a myriad of unexpected circumstances. Most of which require me to do one of two things: adjust and grow or complain and stay stuck. I’m am once again finding myself in a new place in this journey with ME/CFS. It is a very odd place to be and yet I have this amazing …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, crash, FMS, health, journey, life lessons, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, relapse
33 Comments
Changing MY Expectations of the word DEFEND
As many of you have probably noted, I have been struggling this past week. To be honest, I think my eye issue derailed me and I have been wandering around in the wilderness. You might think that is a bad thing, but for me, it really isn’t as it provides me the space I need to think, to pray, to analyze, and to contemplate deeply. Sometimes it affords me the breathing room I need to just let go and do …
2011: A life of Simplicity
I have been reading many blogger’s New Year resolutions with wonder. I’m always amazed at how the New Year stirs up all sorts of new plans, hopes and desires in people. I think that is a great thing. Even so, this year I decided that I am going in a different direction. My New Year’s resolution, if you will, for 2011 can be summed up in one word – simplicity. The losing of all my worldly possessions, my home, and …
Stand Firm
Grief is a funny thing… These past 3+ weeks since Dekker’s death have been a rollercoaster of emotions. These past few days have found me wanting to move past the grief, and yet, unable to. As I recently told a friend, it felt as if I was stuck in my life and nothing I tried helped me move forward. That is a very hopeless feeling. Several days ago, my friend, Cusp, sent me a note on Facebook telling me about …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, grief, journey, life lessons, loss, personal, perspective, pugs
20 Comments
THIS is THAT truth
I find myself straddling a fence, one foot tentatively thrown over towards 2011, while the other is steadfastly anchored in 2010. As my spirit tries to lead me forward into a new year and a new day, my heart struggles to come to terms with letting go of the many things I lost throughout this past year. As I look out the window of my 4Walls and AView, I find myself reviewing 2010. Past years would find me looking for …
lessons I learned from a woman with autism
Sometimes life’s lessons come unexpectedly, and from places we could never imagine, such as books, movies – or even, a woman with autism. As you are well aware as a reader of my blog, I have been overcome with grief at having to have my beloved pug, Dekker Black, put to sleep. These past seven years were filled with a companionship I never truly understood until he was gone. While I knew the decision was right for Dekker, it is …
ER visit and … possible arrest?
I have a tale to tell you that you just will not be able to fathom. If I didn’t know better, I would say God has a sense of humor, because my year just ended with a loud bang! (head shake) Yesterday afternoon I started to get in trouble with my lungs again. I tried everything, but, to no avail. (The maintenance guys are finishing up the construction on our historical building so floors were being stained and I was …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, bad day, crash, ER visit, life lessons, loitering, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), RADS, stress
33 Comments
the gift of Dekker’s life through his death
It seems amazing to me that Dekker has been gone a week already. Somehow, I think my heart and soul have yet to get that message. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about why my grief has been so profound with Dekker’s passing. I lost a close friend who was like my brother in 2007, and the grief was not as consuming as this is. Thursday I thought the grief would literally kill me. My heart was going crazy. …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, death, Dekker, life, life lessons, loss, pugs
14 Comments
Overcoming ALONE-ness
Sometimes, when I have spent much time, alone, within my 4Walls and A View, I tend to start thinking I have very few friends. Or perhaps I even go as far as to start thinking that I don’t have very many at all. One of the wonderful things about the Christmas season is that it reminds me of just how many people I really know. As I was transferring my email addresses into my Cards Sending account, I realized, as …
going LIMP
I am in my first, full-blown crash of this winter. And it is a pretty good one at that. Other than taking Dekker out to go potty (I really should find someone I can pay to take him out for crash times) and trying to eat regular (hard to do when you are wiped out), I am pretty much in bed. I guess you could say, I am going limp. For those of you who are scratching your head, wondering …
this place called, middle
When I grew up, I was always told to push through whatever difficulty I was going through. I have watched for years, as my mother got up every day, no matter how bad she felt, and did everything that was required of her…and then some. In the military I was taught to focus and just do it. There was very little thought. It was more of an instinctive reaction – one that was honed through hours and hours of training …
Working on RESPONDING versus REACTING
I made a decision recently that I was going to work on developing a more tempered response to stressful situations that pop up in my life. Basically, I am trying to learn to respond rather than react when stressful situations arise. Well, you probably know all too well what that means, right? I got bombarded with one crazy fiasco after another! I actually recall on Monday thinking, I was exhausted just from dealing with the issues that kept popping up. …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Acer laptop, Dell laptop, journey, life lessons, perspective, reacting, responding, stress
11 Comments
Determined like Dekker
Losing my home and all my possessions wasn’t just hard on me. There is a black, furry, little guy that has really had a hard time adjusting. Dekker didn’t know what to make of the elevators when we first moved in. I actually can’t imagine…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, determination, journey, life lessons, photographs, pugs
8 Comments
Dreams Become Reality One Choice at a Time
Time is quickly winding down and I find myself faced with only two more days before I will be heading to the airport to head to Massachusetts for my daughter’s wedding! Thus today was quite a busy day! I had a friend from church ask for my help in purchasing a new laptop and the budget was $400. So off we went to Tulsa and we ended up getting a new printer, laptop, plenty of ink, a laptop bag, and …
It’s a good life on most days
When I woke up this morning, I was exhausted. Yikes. So I decided to take the day and rest, rest, rest (as my friend Renee always tells me ). I did fine until I called to change the reservations to one of the hotels I had and all hell broke loose. I got the hotel issue worked out, only to find out…
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, bad day, chronic fatigue syndrome, fatigue, life lessons
4 Comments
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