Translator
IN MEMORY
What I’m Listening 2
Tag Archives: personal
Boston and Bear …
I am sitting just outisde of Boston at my sister’s house and enjoying the white sky and the white ground. Everything is white. While it is really nice to see so much fluffy, white powder everywhere, it is also nice to know that this is a temporary thing and I can enjoy it for the moment knowing that I will soon be heading home soon. I heard back from the rescue organization – Homeward Bound – and I have passed …
From Empty to Full
I wanted to share something I have been going through with my readers. This may in fact be more of a woman thing but I think it really is applicable to my whole readership. I have been in a bad head and emotional space these last few months. Totally understandable with Dekker’s one year anniversary (death), my father’s sudden heart-attack and quadruple bypass, the birth of my grandson, a betrayal by someone I considered a friend and the severe relapse …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, consequences, Fibromyalgia, FMS, friend, grief, health, hope, journey, life lessons, loss, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, pugs, Purpose, winning
11 Comments
Jan 2012 ME Story: Kassy
I don’t know if you have ever woke up in the middle of the night in one of those, “Oh my gosh moments?” Well, I did last night. I was thinking about what I would say in this post before I went to bed and then woke up in the middle of the night realizing that today’s ME Story which is shared by my friend, Kassy, is our 12th story on Becoming Visible 4ME which means … We have now …
Simplicity, 3 Words, and 2012
I was catching up on my blog reading, when I came across Tamara’s new post at Empty Thoughts, Rewritten, and it caught my attention. The reason it caught my attention is because I have been thinking about words that keep rising up within me that reflect where my heart and soul for 2012 is, especially after my two-part series called, My 12 Changes to Living Better with ME: Part 1 of 2 and My 12 Changes to Living Better with …
HAPPY NEW YEARS!
Can you believe this year is over? Tomorrow is 2012! I can’t say this year fled by because to be honest this was a very challenging one for me. I am quite happy that it is over to be honest. I’m really excited about another year of sharing with you and changing things up and maybe adding some new things. I’m even considering guest posts so if you might be interested in that feel free to contact me. I will …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, Purpose
15 Comments
If I let myself admit it, I …
I have been thinking about what direction my blog will take in 2012. To be honest, when I originally launched 4Walls and AView 2 years ago, I only intended to do it for 2years because I thought there would be no, or little, interest. Guess I got that wrong since I now have over 70,000 hits and 250 readers, huh?! Thanks to my wonderful readers and thier interaction and interest in my blog I will obviously keep writing! So, that …
Learning to LIVE like a DOG
As I sit here in the early morning hours, I am transfixed by the haphazard sprinkle of lights against the black canvas of night. Silence permeats the cloak of darkness, and yet, there is this innate knowing that city life is slowly awakening to brewing pots of coffee and tea, and that a new day will soon be in full force. The melancholiness of the hour mimicks my heart as I realize that today is the one year anniversary of …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, friend, grief, hope, journey, life lessons, loss, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, pugs
18 Comments
Dec 2011 ME Story: Cusp
I have had the joy and fun of getting to know a woman on Facebook this past year or so. She has to be the most unique, creative and interesting person I have had the pleasure to friend in a long time. God only made one Cusp and she is amazing. Her ME story touched me deeply because unlike many of our stories, her story starts in her childhood. I hate this illness for adults but the devastating impact it …
Navigating a Week full of a Myriad of Emotions.
I often find that life offers me many opportunities to become a better me, if you will. This week is no exception. With the news that has been slowly trickling out about WPI (the Whittemore Peterson Institute who researches neuroimmune illnesses) and Judy (a major player in ME research), this week did not start on the best foot. Then the news came of two deaths within the ME Community and for me that has just had me grieving all over …
MY Rebirth: Choosing MY Own Color Palette
I have been repeatedly asked what has caused the transformation in me that people seem to be noticing when they see me in person and even my good friend, Toni, asked me in an email recently about the change she noted in my birthday photos. So, I thought I’d share the broad brush strokes here. Toni responded to my explanation that I had been reborn. I think that really is what happened. The relapse was so severe and so all …
49th Birthday Update
In Oklahoma we always have to be cognizant of the weather. We never know when a tornado or bad weather is going to creep in and change our plans. Unfortunately, it did just that for my birthday. After dinner, we had to move inside and there was no room for dancing and the band was just way too loud. An hour was about all me and my friend could stand. Despite the bad weather though, I had an incredible night …
Mad as Hell and Broken Hearted for Jenny
Thank you Lillie for reminding me that not all my readers know who Simon Wesley is. He is a UK (England) based psychiatrist who believes ME and CFS are not real organic illness but illness that are psychological and social in nature. Essentially, we are sick because we say we are sick. He is a huge proponent of CBT and GET which have been shown not to work in most people with ME and actually has caused many patients to …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, health, Jenny, JK Rowbory, journey, life lessons, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal
11 Comments
September 2011 ME Story: Barry
As I was getting ready to put up todays post, I was stunned to realize how much things change in just eight months. I am out of bed, out of my wheelchair, and exercising for the first time in almost two years! And today, I put up our eighth story over at Becoming VISIBLE 4ME! In addition, this month’s story is our first male story which I was very interested in reading. I have been getting to know Barry for …
Allowing Illness to shape me into a better person
I was sitting on the rooftop deck this week (it would be the 11th floor) as it has become my favorite place to write … and if you can believe it … dance. Anyway, I was sitting there looking out over this expansive view and thinking about a time where everything before me would have been a barren wasteland – something called the dustbowl. Yet, as I looked out over the vast city I love I saw business thriving, beautiful …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "Invisible Awareness", consequences, Fibromyalgia, FMS, friend, health, hope, journey, life lessons, ME, mold, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, Purpose, relapse, winning, write
14 Comments
What Would YOU take?
My friend Mo recently asked a question that really hit home with me on her blog, Mo is Blogging … I think. I decided to ask it here for two reasons. I was curious how my readers might responsd and I was curious if what we would want to take as those living with ME might be different than those who are not ill. This whole subject was started Foster Hunnington. Here is a little about his blog and this …
In TOMORROW, there is always the PROMISE of POSSIBILITY
I recently was having a conversation with a friend of mine online who also has ME about what I had learned, if anything these past eight months of being bed, house and wheelchair bound. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. The absolute delight and joy that invades me when I step out into the sunshine is indescribable. I feel the warmth of the sun kissing my skin, embracing me in it’s warmth and I start to tear up with …
August 2011 ME Story: Sue
Most of my readers know the author of our next ME story at Becoming VISIBLE 4ME, Sue Jackson. Sue has a very popular blog, Learning to live with CFS, and is someone who is very knowledgable about the condition. She also loves to help others out whenever she can. What many of my readers may not know, however, is that Sue is not the only person sick in her family. Sue and both of her sons are sick with CFS …
i CAN’T do THIS
Note: I had posted on FB that I would have a play that I wrote up for today, but I moved it to Friday. I have this deep sense that this post needed to be published today. An urgency if you will. Please accept my apologies for the change. ___________________________ Several months ago, I ran into a brick wall. Many people on Facebook probably were witness to it. The impact shattered me as if I had been physically slapped. I …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "i CAN'T do THIS", "myalgic Encephalomyelitis", 4 walls and a view, bad day, friend, grief, health, ME, personal, perspective, Purpose, relapse
18 Comments
Defining Progress in Severe ME: Part 2: Living in Black and White
If you had asked me a year ago, ten years ago, or even two decades ago if I ever thought that Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.) would cause me to flee into the dark, I would have responded with a resounding, “No.” Today, I know that I would have been wrong … very wrong. Since January of 2011 I have been adapting to a life void of color. It is one that has now become eerily reminiscent to my beloved hobby: black …
Defining Progress in Severe M.E.: Part One -Breathing Issue
I recently skim read, Toxic Bedrooms, by Walter Bader which I received for free from LifeKind. They are the company I am planning on buying my organic mattress from. I am currently in the testing phase to make sure that I will not have breathing problems as a result of the organic materials they use. In addition, they have me checking to make sure I can also handle all the products together without breathing issues (you put all the samples …
A Battle of Wills
So often people see only what they want to see. Other times, they see only what I allow them to see. It is those times when anger, darkness, frustration, and a sense of fuitility overtake me, that I desperately try to hide from the world. It is not a face that I want to put forward. Yet, I think to not show that face occassionaly would be a grave misjustice to myself, those who are sick like I am (especially …
Why I Dropped the “F” Word
May 12 is right around the corner. It is an International Day of Awareness that has become near and dear to my heart as it is the International ME/CFS Day worldwide. This is the illness that I have determinedly and doggedly dealt with for over twenty years. For this year’s celebration, I have decided to no longer continue using the “F” word. For years, I have always had this sense that something was wrong about how Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was …
The Gift ME gave me
As many of my readers know, I have a set of core beliefs, convictions that have undergirded me in my journey with ME. Without them, I am not sure that I would have survived ME for these past two decades. One of those core beliefs is that I have been put on this earth for a reason and for a purpose. I am not here by happenstance, by coincidence, or by accident. I have been brought into this world with …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "myalgic Encephalomyelitis", 4 walls and a view, eyes, gift, life lessons, ME, personal, perspective, vocal chords
18 Comments
I Have … Hope
Life isn’t Static. Fixed. Determined. It’s flowing. Changing. Evolving. There is always the room for Possibility. Expectancy. Anticipation. Even in as severe a relapse as I now find myself in, there is a power within me that lies in wait because change is always, Possible. Probable. Imminent. I just have to learn to be patient; more patient than this thing that now resides within me called ME. ME is like a ticking Bomb. Waiting. Watching. Lurking in the background. Always …
March 2011 ME Story: Toni Bernhard
Today marks the second ME/CFS story being shared onBecoming VISIBLE 4ME by author, Toni Bernhard. Toni is the author of, How to Be Sick, and she has been dealing with the challenges of living with ME/CFS for a long time. As a Buddist, she has learned how to incorporate her faith into her life in order to come to terms with a difficult hand that was dealt her. Here is an excerpt of her story for your perusal. In the …
ME and the Need for a Little Extra Help
I thought I should pop in and let you all know how I’m doing. As you may or may not be aware I have suffered a severe relapse. I have not been this bad since I first got sick 2 decades ago. My days primarily consist of resting in bed (as I have no couch) 24/7 with short 15-20 minutes breaks where I am able to get up. Any more than 15-20 minutes, however, and my legs go rubbery, my …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged "myalgic Encephalomyelitis", 4 walls and a view, crash, fatigue, health, ME, personal
29 Comments
Part Two: Post Traumatic Vision Syndrome (PTVS)
Well, if you didn’t catch part one, of this three part series, you can do so here. Now on to what I dug up on Post Traumatic Vision Syndrome or PTVS. The earliest article on visual issues in ME/CFS that I could find (with the help of my friend Laurel: hap tip!) was this one back in 2001 by the CFIDS Association. In it they explain that, There are few references in the literature to visual and/or ocular disturbances in …
Mr. Winter and Ms. Spring
For the past few weeks, the weather here in Tulsa, Oklahoma, has been volleying back and forth between the 20’s and the 40’s. But yesterday, as well as today, we were suddenly greeted with a wonderful spike in warmth as we have watched the temperatures climb to the low to mid 70’s. Tomorrow, we return to the normal pattern of our weather volleying between the 20’s to the 40’s – with a little possible snow thrown in the mix. This …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, FMS, journey, life lessons, Mr. Winter, Ms. Spring, personal, perspective, relapse, symptom
18 Comments
CHANGING the DANCE w/the Beast within ME
One of the things I have discovered throughout my life, and especially living with a chronic illness, is that life isn’t fair and it usually comes with a myriad of unexpected circumstances. Most of which require me to do one of two things: adjust and grow or complain and stay stuck. I’m am once again finding myself in a new place in this journey with ME/CFS. It is a very odd place to be and yet I have this amazing …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, crash, FMS, health, journey, life lessons, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, relapse
33 Comments
Changing MY Expectations of the word DEFEND
As many of you have probably noted, I have been struggling this past week. To be honest, I think my eye issue derailed me and I have been wandering around in the wilderness. You might think that is a bad thing, but for me, it really isn’t as it provides me the space I need to think, to pray, to analyze, and to contemplate deeply. Sometimes it affords me the breathing room I need to just let go and do …
ME: somedays just a Heavy Yoke
This week has been such an odd week. One filled with research on how to do many of the things I need and love to do without over using my eyes. Trying to explain what’s going on with me at this moment so people understand. Doing paperwork (online) to get transportation set up and finalizing the delivery process of my groceries (outside of that which I get from Natural Farms) with Whole Foods. When I got to Friday, I felt …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 'heavy yoke', 4 walls and a view, cognitive, FMS, ME, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal
36 Comments
Stand Firm
Grief is a funny thing… These past 3+ weeks since Dekker’s death have been a rollercoaster of emotions. These past few days have found me wanting to move past the grief, and yet, unable to. As I recently told a friend, it felt as if I was stuck in my life and nothing I tried helped me move forward. That is a very hopeless feeling. Several days ago, my friend, Cusp, sent me a note on Facebook telling me about …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, grief, journey, life lessons, loss, personal, perspective, pugs
20 Comments
My apologies
I wanted to apologize up front. I never realized just how utterly devastated I would be over Dekker’s death. I’m really struggling. Writing – other than about my grief – is just too much. And to be honest, even writing about my grief is a challenge. Yesterday was really rough. I awoke to Dekker crying and went to his crate, only to realize it was a box and Dekker wasn’t here anymore. I’m struggling just to make sure I eat …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, Dekker, grief, loss, personal, short break
26 Comments
Walking thru these 4Walls
I mentioned to a friend, recently, that I would share what happened this past weekend that helped turn me around after getting the news from the doctor that going outside was now dangerous and life-threatening for me. Thus, my mask and I are now connected at the hip whenever I leave my apartment. And to be honest, I’m okay with that. Anyway, as many of you know, I have really been struggling since Thursday’s doctor appointment. As Toni and Renee …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, crash, friend, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), personal, perspective, write
18 Comments
going LIMP
I am in my first, full-blown crash of this winter. And it is a pretty good one at that. Other than taking Dekker out to go potty (I really should find someone I can pay to take him out for crash times) and trying to eat regular (hard to do when you are wiped out), I am pretty much in bed. I guess you could say, I am going limp. For those of you who are scratching your head, wondering …
SUCCESS and VALUE on MY terms
I attended my first Bible Study on-line today and I have to say I was quite surprised at how insightful and enjoyable it was. As I sat contemplating what we had discussed during our study today, I found myself wondering about value – mine to be exact – in correlation to being chronically ill. As someone who has struggled with ME/CFS and FMS for over 20 years now, and recently developed Celiac Disease and RADs (Reactive Airway Disease), I often …
Posted in Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME)
Tagged 4 walls and a view, accomplishments, journey, personal, perspective, Purpose, value
28 Comments
Youtube
RSS
Flickr
Digg
Delicious
Technorati
Twitter
StumbleUpon
Facebook