I finally was able to make it through the MRI with the help of valium. However, it was extremely difficult. I had to have 13 sessions (this is what each part of the MRI is called and they range from 2-4 minutes each) because we discovered the nose band in my mask had metal in it, thus, the first three session had to be redone.
By session ten, I was was fighting with everything in me to finish the last three sessions. I tried mind over matter, my favorite places, prayers, scriptures, everything I could think of to make it throught the last bit. I started tearing up because I couldn’t take any more.
I was dizzy, the noise of the machine was painful and becoming more painful, and I was starting to feel really bad.
When it was at last over, I knew something was very wrong. I felt funny. It was as if someone had flipped a swich in my body and every nerve and cell in my body had been turned on and up high.
I slowly got up and the nurse sensed something was wrong and helped me the rest of the way up to a standing position and then helped me walk. But my left side wasn’t working right.
We took a left turn and instead of my body turning left easily, my body went sideways and left and I couldn’t get my body to turn left. My leg wouldn’t function the way I was trying to get my brain to tell it to.
I somehow (with the help of the nurse) navigated the first turn but when we had to make a second left hand turn the same thing happend. My body went sideways and left and my left side just wasn’t working. I leaned on the wall and even though I was stopped, my body felt like it was continuing to go left. The sensation of moving left and sideways never stopped.
With the help of the nurse and my personal assistant, I got through the door before I started shaking violently from head to do. I have not had one of these episodes since September last year.
Then … I went into a full blown seizure. Eyes rolled up in my head, I went rigid and I continued to seize until ‘the lights went out’ and I collapsed. My personal assistant said the seizure lasted two minutes.
I was taken to the ER where the seizure was documented but other than that was really a waste of time.
I finally got home at 7pm Friday night and have been dealing with the ramfications ever since.
My left side is still not functioning properly. I’m dizzy, nauseous and feel like I’m walking on a rocking boat.
My eyes are again bothering me and I’m having bad headaches so I am going into the dark.
Between my eyes, my vocal chords/throat and now auditory as well, I’m becoming alarmed at the lack of appropriate medical care that I am recieving, in addition to, the difficulty that I am having trying to recover.
I’m at a place that I need to get quality medical care (if that is available) and I need to take additional time to focus on my health.
I have the red wheelchair coming next week, an eye appointment set up for May, a naturopathic dental appointment for June and am tring to find a way to get in and see Dr Hyde (in Canada) for a more current assessment of my health and the ME.
I also am talking less, resting more, masking my eyes more and switching to organic meal replacement shakes to reduce the stress on my body from eating or digesting food.
Seemingly, all to no avail, or to little avail for very small periods.
So, I have made three decisions.
First, I am going to meet with an attorney about a law suit for the toxic chemcial exposure I endured last year as the result of ignoranace and arrogance. At this point, this is all I can say on this subject.
Second, I’m going to try and find a way to get back on Medicare or some form of medical insurance other than the VA as they are not providing me with adequate healthcare as they do not believe in ME.
Furthermore, they informed me last year that even if they find neurological damage on the MRI, there is nothing they can do.
Perhpas even more troubling, I was told that they are afraid that I will be unintentionally hurt because VA doctors do not have enough time to look at the whole picutre/record, thus, leaving me vulnerable to doctors giving me medications that might seriously hurt me.
Third, I am taking a break from blogging for a few months. I will finish up May 12 and then I will be offline as far as blogging here at 4Walls and AView goes. Fortunately I have the stories for Becoming VISIBLE 4ME done throughout the fall which allows me plenty of time to rest.
I think I can probably handle my monthly column but anything more than that right now, is just too much.
I need a break. My body needs a break.
In addition, I cannot get to the doctor appointments without resting up beforehand and then allowing time to collapse afterwards.
Most importantly, however, my body is starting to seriously fail me, and I am afraid if I fail it, I will not come out of this relapse.
I have come to believe that the toxic chemical from last year did serious damage to my brain and central nervous system on top of what the ME had alaready done, thus, my ‘normal’ manner for dealing with the Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) just doesnt not seem to be working as well anymore.
So for now, I will be doing much resting and much time in the darkness. I’m also hoping that getting my teeth resolved by a compenent dentist, getting my eyes managed by a compentent eye doctor and then resting up for an apointment with an ME specialist will help me get to the best place I can be, as well as, allow me to be online again.
Any post in the next month or two or so will be put up by my personal assistant who will be helping me to keep you posted on my progress through my coming appoinments and how I am doing.
I look forward to returning soon and I will deeply miss you all.
As always, determined to continue forward,